Self-Control

(please note: If you listen to the service, at the very beginning I say something like, “today we will look at selfishness” – well I should have said, “today we will look at self-control.” Only my 3rd mistake this year 🙂 .  (CLICK ON THE PIC TO THE RIGHT TO HEAR THE AUDIO)

Scripture– I Peter 3:8-10(NCV)

⁸ Control yourselves and be careful! The devil, your enemy, goes around like a roaring lion looking for someone to eat. ⁹ Refuse to give in to him, by standing strong in your faith. You know that your Christian family all over the world is having the same kinds of suffering.

¹⁰ And after you suffer for a short time, God, who gives all grace, will make everything right. He will make you strong and support you and keep you from falling. He called you to share in his glory in Christ, a glory that will continue forever. ¹¹ All power is his forever and ever. Amen.

The ancient Greeks prized self-control over all virtues.  Of all the schools of Greek philosophy, the one that elevated self-control to the highest level of importance were the Stoics.

Stoics are people who are seemingly unaffected by pleasure of pain.

Stoics taught that if a man could become master of himself— if by sheer will-power he could gain control over his emotions and responses, then he would be perfectly free—no one, no circumstance could control him. He would be unmoved by anything that happened to him. 

There is a famous legend about a young Greek man who embraced Stoic philosophy. In order to prove his commitment to Stoicism, he put a fox under his tunic.  As this fox began to bite him, he did not move,  and  he did not grimace. The people around him had no idea that anything was wrong. They had no idea he had a fox under his tunic, until he dropped dead, because the fox had torn into his stomach and eaten his insides.

I a pretty sure this is a legend, but it does illustrate the Greek understanding of self-control, which was simply will-power.

Probably a legend, but it does illustrate the Greek understanding of self-control,  which was simply will-power.

Many think self-control is reaching inside yourself and grabbing some inner strength – and hanging on. Will power turns your heart into stone.

Self Control is not will power!  It’s not about reaching down into yourself and grabbing some inner strength. Self control is not the ability to suck it up,  to get over it, or just say no.

That is the common  and popular understanding of self-control. This common understanding of self-control  only leads to  hardening yourself to everything.

Peter tells in this passage to “Be self-controlled and alert”.  This is not a command to simply exercise your will-power.  Our will power is weak. We are all flawed.

Your will power is no match for the lust of the flesh. Your will power is no match for bad habits, thoughts, and attitudes. Your will power is no match for your tongue, your eyes, your credit cards, your stomach—and I could go on and on. 

How many of us can go to buffet and not over eat? (We gotta get our $10 worth)

How many of us have started some kind of discipline – only to stop a few months down  the road?

How many of have said, “boy, I need to read my Bible more” only to never get started.

I am pretty sure all of us can identify with one of those. Our will power is simply not enough. Your will power will fail you every  time. Self – control is not will power. Even the maker of Lay’s potato chips knows you can’t eat just one.

So what is self-control?

Tim Keller gives a great definition of the fruit of self-control:

Self-control is the ability the Holy Spirit gives you

   to choose the important thing over the urgent thing. 

If you are a Christ follower – meaning you have a made a commitment to follow Christ and you allow his teachings to change the way think, act, and do life  – You have the Holy Spirit living inside of you.

What is the important thing? Jesus told us the two greatest commandments – The greatest thing you can do  is to love the Lord your God with all your mind, heart, and strength, and to love your neighbor as yourself.

What is the urgent thing?   Following the urgent cravings of our sinful nature.

In other words, if it feels good … do it!

I don’t know if you remember this story from a few weeks ago but 3 bored teens in Oklahoma  killed an Australian baseball player running by their house because they were bored and they needed something fun to do.  It felt good so they did it.

We do the same thing. We might get so bored that we decided to shoot and kill someone running in front of our house. We give into our cravings when we are bored. Think about when you are bored at night, what do we do? WE EAT.

And If it taste good we eat more of it.

Money is good so we need more of it – so we work more hours. Compromise time with our families. Strive for the almighty dollar. Sex is good – so we need more of it – instead of making a commitment to someone and putting our name on the dotted line – we just find a sexual partner and call it co-habitation and call it right. Power is good – so we need more of it – so we do anything to get it.

Without the fruit of the spirit called self – control we will always choose the urgent thing over the important thing.

All of us in here craved (yearning) to be loved. All of us in here desire (yearning) to worship something or someone. All of us in here have something or someone at the center of our life.

 

A gross example of this is animals in heat. They simply can’t control themselves. Poodles don’t look for poodles during this season. German Shepherds don’t look for German Shepherds. They look for whatever they can get. Instead of choosing the best thing, we become like animals in heat. We take whatever satisfies us in the moment.  We take whatever satisfies our craving. We will worship anything or anyone that makes us feel better about selves. That’s how people and things become idols in our lives. We become satisfied with whatever makes us feel good in the moment.

The bottom line is when you choose the urgent thing over the important thing – your life will always be out of control.

So, how do get self-control?

The self-control which Christians are to cultivate is supernatural.

You don’t get self-control by giving God control of your life.

I’ve heard people say, “Give God control of your life,” God doesn’t want control of your life. God isn’t a dictator who pushes a magic button to take over our free will.  We voluntarily bring our lives and purposes into agreement with what he wants to accomplish. God gives us the power we need to master our flesh, our appetites, our passions, and even our tongues!

God didn’t control Jesus – Jesus voluntarily gave his life. God doesn’t control us – he allows us to live out of control.

The supernatural happens in you when you voluntarily refuse to give into that urgent thing.  The supernatural happens in you when you voluntarily stand strong in your faith. The supernatural happens in you when you voluntarily do the important thing.

You get self-control by voluntarily loving God with your life.

I don’t have to love my wife. I don’t have to love my kids. I don’t have to love them. I love them voluntarily.  I don’t have to be with them. I need to be with them.  I don’t control them and they don’t control me – we all voluntarily give ourselves to each other.

Voluntarily loving God with your life allows God to do something supernatural in you.  I don’t have to love Him and He still loves me. I don’t control Him nor does He control me. I voluntarily love Him.

If you look at the scriptures you will learn that God didn’t control any of those people we read about. They didn’t have to do what they did. ALL of them volunteered to do what they did. They volunteered because they knew God loved them. They knew God would not leave them or forsake them. They knew God was them.

When you love someone else – I mean truly love someone – you willingly give them control of your life. Why? Because they are important.

You don’t get self-control by praying for it.

I have tried this …. But it doesn’t work.  I have prayed for self-control at my kids games.  When you are passionate about your kids and about the team they are on – this is a powerful combination that constantly causes me to lose. Like patience – I can pray for all it I want – but it is not going to happen. I could not go to my kids games but that not would not solve anything. I could stop caring about the things I am passionate about but that wouldn’t solve anything either.

You get self-control by praying for yourself. Not praying ABOUT yourself. Not praying TO yourself (“Oh God, help me right now).

Look at Luke 18

To some who were confident of their own righteousness and looked down on everyone else, Jesus told this parable: ¹⁰ “Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. ¹¹ The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other people—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector. ¹² I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.’

¹³ “But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, ‘God, have mercy on me, a sinner.’

Do you see it? The Pharisee is praying ABOUT himself. The tax collector is praying FOR himself. “God, have mercy on me, a sinner.”

We want God to change our situation. We want God to change the people around us. We want God to change our family members. We want God to make it fair for us. We want God to change our spouse. We want God to take control of our life.

God doesn’t want control of our life – he wants you to voluntarily surrender it!

Pray this prayer:

“God have mercy on me, I am out of control!”

When your anger is out of control – “God have mercy on me, I am out of control.”

When your spending habits are out of control – “God have mercy on me, I am out of control.”

When your eating habits are out of control – “God have mercy on me, I am out of control.”

When your sex life is out of control – “God have mercy on me, I am out of control.”

When power goes to your head – “God have mercy on me, I am out of control.”

When that prayer is sincere – uncontrollable sobbing (no matter how stoic you are) usually occurs afterwards.

Then something supernatural begins to happen in you.