r12 – Love Sacrificially

Romans 12: 9-12  (NLT)

(click on the pic to listen to it to)

⁹ Don’t just pretend to love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Hold tightly to what is good. ¹⁰ Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other. ¹¹ Never be lazy, but work hard and serve the Lord enthusiastically. ¹² Rejoice in our confident hope. Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying.

From The Message:

^9-10 Love from the center of who you are; don’t fake it. Run for dear life from evil; hold on for dear life to good. Be good friends who love deeply; practice playing second fiddle.

^11-13 Don’t burn out; keep yourselves fueled and aflame. Be alert servants of the Master, cheerfully expectant. Don’t quit in hard times; pray all the harder. Help needy Christians; be inventive in hospitality.

His name was Bud. He was a factory worker with more than a slight resemblance to Archie Bunker. Every single day he’d come home sweaty and dirty. He’d go in the back door, grab an alcoholic beverage of choice from the frig, and plop himself down in front of the TV until his wife brought him supper.

One day as he was driving to work he happened to come across a Christian psychologist on the radio – kinda’ of a local version of James Dobson. And something the commentator said  stuck in his mind that love and marriage are about sacrifice. And it hit him – no, convicted him – that he’d been expecting his wife to sacrifice for him but he’d never really sacrificed for her. It was though a relational light bulb came on and he knew that he had to do something about it. So he decided that he was going to surprise her the next day. Before coming home he showered and shaved. He went to the florist and bought flowers and instead of going in the back door he went to the front door he went to the front and rang the bell.

When he answered the door he held out the flowers and said – “Honey, they’re for you. I love you!”

She looked at him, her mouth dropped open. Tears filled her eyes.

And she said, “I’ve had a terrible day. Billy broke his leg and I had to take him to the hospital. No sooner had I got home then the phone rang. It was your mother and she’s coming  to visit for two weeks. I tried to do the wash but the machine broke and there’s water all over the basement floor. And now, you come home drunk!”

Poor Bud. He somehow  knew the concept of love was wonderful. However, he soon discovered that love relationships are difficult and messy and we are not very good at it by nature. There’s a lot of pain and disillusionment involved in opening your heart to another person and all the baggage from our past is many times pulled into our present relationships.

But, let’s give Bud credit; he’d finally got the right idea! Love manifests itself in sacrificial action. Love and sacrifice go hand in hand with husband’s and wives, brother’s and sisters, with team mates, with business partners, with God and humanity. Bud had the right idea – loving someone cost you something.

When you love someone you change the way you think about them. You also change how you relate to them. When loving others you change!

God is challenging us through Romans 12:9-12 to love without pretending.

We can figure out when others are pretending to love us. It usually incases them wanting something from you. Salespeople pretend to love you in the moment they are trying to sell you something. Once you buy or don’t buy you are forgotten all about.  It is fairly easy to recognize when someone is pretending to love you.

We also can figure out when we are pretending to love others. We become salespeople trying to sell something or prove something to somebody. We know when we are pretending and we know when others are pretending. Don’t we? All of us have had moments when we have pretended to love something or someone.  We are all guilty.

How do you love without pretending?

First of all we need to look at why we pretend.  The reason we pretend is because we have an inaccurate view of ourselves. We either think too highly of ourselves which affects how we love others. Or with think too lowly of ourselves which affects how we love others. So we pretend. If we think too highly of ourselves we become  spiritual snobs. So we try to prove to others that we can be humble. If we think to lowly of ourselves we become a spiritual doormat and become people with no spiritual back bone. So we try to prove to others that we have some spiritual backbone.

When we try to prove to others anything – we just become pretenders.

Those who are being transformed (like Bud) don’t pretend. Bud wasn’t pretending. He had a God moment. A Damascus road experience.  He was humbled by God. Bud began to think in a different way. Bud began to think of his wife more than himself. His motives were genuine.

We don’t have to prove anything to anybody. We are already God’s greatest joy and greatest asset.

My wife has never asked me to prove to her that I love her. My kids have never asked me to prove to them  I love them.  But because of the relationship we have  – I get to love her, I get to love them. I don’t have to pretend and I can’t pretend because they are going to call me out when I do pretend. Loving them hasn’t always been easy and loving me hasn’t been easy for them. Loving someone else has never been easy.  We all need to work hard at it.

How do you love without pretending? Stop trying to prove yourself to others.

I love the moments when my kids got so angry at me  that they would say, “Dad, I hate you!” I would walk out of the room and go “YES!” (with arm pump). They didn’t pretend. They were honest.

Once we stop pretending we can get about the business that of genuinely loving others.

We need to learn how to love others. To love them genuinely you need to take an interest in them. Not just lip service interest,  but actually showing up at their house, or an event they are in, or at the hospital. The thing is . . . . all you have to do is show up and take an interest.

How do you love without pretending? Learn how to play second fiddle.

We need to love others. Because when we love others, it allows God to work in their heart and soften it. When you are loving others  genuinely, you are not expecting them to love you back.

Genuine love is sacrificial.

John 15:13  “There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.”

You can’t fake sacrifice. When you do sacrifice it affects someone else’s life and it make an impact. They are forever changed.

Listen and watch the impact that one’s father sacrifice had on is Son.  (just click here to watch).

I believe this is kind of sacrifice we are called to  make as followers of Christ.

Why are we so afraid to sacrifice? We see stories like this (The Hoyts) and our heart is overwhelmed with emotion because we know that it is the right thing to do. And the Holy Spirit stirs in us saying “that should be me –  sacrificing for others whether they can love me back or not.” There is only one answer I could up with. It is because we are afraid we might have to do it again and again and again. And are life – the way we planned is totally ruined. Yep …. That is what happens. Your life is changed forever. And when  you love sacrificially,  it becomes addicting. You get to do it again and again and again. Team Hoyt has run together for over 35 years and has ran in over 1,000 races (30+ races have been marathons). Their last race will be the next Boston Marathon in 2014.

God is somewhat dependent (not codependent) on us to love others sacrificially. To love others sacrificially  softens their heart toward God. We are not called to necessarily to do something great; we are called to do small things with great love. It is the small things we do with great love that have the greatest impact on someone’s life.

Genuine love is action

We can say we love each other and we can say we love others but if it is not followed up with action it is not love.

I can say I love my kids all I want but if is not following up with action – it is not love

I can say I love my wife all I want but if it is not followed up with action – it is not love.

I can say I love  my church all I want but it if it not followed up with action – it is not love.

I can say I love my neighbor all I want but if it is not followed up with action – it is not love.

I can say I love Jesus all I want but if is not followed up with action – it is not love.

Love is not a feeling. No one can fall in love with anyone. One can only commit to loving someone. Love is action word. It is not a noun, pronoun, or predicate. You don’t fall in love with someone. That is a myth. You commit to loving them. You commit to sacrificing for them. You commit to being there for them.

I Corinthians 13 reminds us what love look likes (from The Message)

Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.
Love doesn’t strut,
Doesn’t have a swelled head,
Doesn’t force itself on others,
Isn’t always “me first,”
Doesn’t fly off the handle,
Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn’t revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.