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Philippians 2:3-8 (click the pic to listen to it)

³ Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. ⁴ Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.

⁵ You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had.

⁶ Though he was God,
he did not think of equality with God
as something to cling to.
⁷ Instead, he gave up his divine privileges;
he took the humble position of a slave
and was born as a human being.

Vs. 4 in the NIV says, “do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit.”

If you want to stay in love – don’t compete with each other. In every relationship there is this desire to be right. I alluded to this in my last blog entry.  In other relationships it is my way or the highway. In other  relationships there is a battle of wills and the willful desire to be right. There are some relationships where it is more important to be right than to do the right thing.

Marriage (or any kind of relationship) is not a competition between two people. The both of you are on the same team trying to figure out how to out serve another.

In a marriage counseling session I had a number of years ago. I met with each spouse separately. I would listen to her story one week and to his story the next. They both were right and they both were wrong.  They could see the faults in the other person. They would magnify the other person failures. They spent quite a bit of time telling me how bad the other person is. Their focus was always on the other person faults and failures. All they could see was how right each other was. The both wanted it their way. She wasn’t coming back to him unless HE did this. And He was coming back to Her unless she did this. Needless to say – they didn’t stay in love.  I brought the two together to be a mediator between the two. If I would have let her – she would have killed him in my office. They both were right and they both were wrong. But neither one of them wanted to stop playing the blame game. Both of them refused to give up on their childish behavior. Neither one of them wanted to give up their selfishness. In this competition, they both lost. When you make marriage a competition of who can be the most selfish – the outcome is always failure.

If you want to stay in love don’t compete with each other.

Look at what Paul continues to say,  Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Or as the NIV puts it, “rather in humility value the others above yourself. If you read this verse in the context of a one on one relationship, “rather in humility value the other above yourself.

If you want to stay in love, act like your spouse, your girl/boyfriend. Is more important than you. That person you are with is more important than you! But what if they take advantage of me? It didn’t seem to bother us when we were in the dating and engagement stages. These are the stages when we were trying to win their heart. These are the stages where we not only want them to love us – we want them to like us. We go out of our way to make the other person special and feel special.  To put it biblically, we think of them and pleasing them than we do in pleasing ourselves.

They could take advantage of you, but that’s not your problem. If God is speaking to you then you are the one who humbles themselves. They might not …. But as we learned the last week …. Love is a verb not a feeling. Your spouse will disappoint you.  You spouse or significant other has flaws. Humble yourself and value them more than yourself. When you are valuing the other person better than yourself, you make decisions based on the understanding that they are more important than you. That’s hard…. Especially when you think you are right. It’s even harder when you KNOW you are right.

Our goal in marriage or any male/female relationship is not to be right but it is to do the right thing. When you are thinking of the other as better than yourself you always chose to do the right thing ……. if you want to stay in love.

So how do you treat someone who has more value than you? When I am talking having more value than you I am not talking about them being better than you. At a wedding ,who is the most valuable person? We stand when she walks in. It’s the Bride. We show her respect because she is the center of attention. It is not about you. No one stands up when the pastor walks into the sanctuary. No one stands up when the bridesmaids, or groomsmen walks in. No one stands up when the guests walk in. No one stands up even the groom walks in. On that day, in this context, the bride is the most valuable person in the room. She is not better than anyone else but on this day she is the most valuable person.

So how do treat someone who has  more value  than you? You defer to them. You respect them. What if you don’t like them or what they have done? How do you value them more?

Kevin used to be a kid in my youth group many, many years ago. Before you look at the picture (if  you have he is on the far right), he doesn’t like Obama. Kevin doesn’t talk too positively about his leadership. But when you look at this picture, Kevin is smiling. Why? Because he has a great respect for his boss, his commander-in-chief.

 Just because he disagrees with him on certain issues doesn’t mean he doesn’t respect him for the office he holds. He still is our president and Kevin shows his respect by doing whatever his boss tells him.

The same is true with any relationship (especially spouses, girlfriend/boyfriend, potential spouse). You value them more than yourself, whether you agree with them or not. You still respect them. If you want to stay in love, treat your spouse (treat boyfriend/girlfriend) with respect.

Vs. 4 goes on to say, “don’t look out for your own interest but take an interest in their interest.” If we are honest we are only interested in what we
are interested in. We know how to do this. We did in our dating relationships. We became interested in whatever they were interested in. Even if we weren’t really that interested in it. And…… we did it with intentionality. We made time for what they were interested in. This is a way of showing they have more value than you.

A lot of us might be thinking that this is too idealistic. Can’t be done. They are nice words. Paul understood that some would think this was unrealistic and impossible to live out. In the last blog entry, we learned that we are to love one another as Jesus loved us. In these next few verses Paul illustrates the way Jesus loved you and me. He says I want you to approach  your relationship with that significant other the same Jesus approaches his relationship with you.

Look at what Paul says about him:

⁶ Though he was God,
    he did not think of equality with God
    as something to cling to.

Despite the fact He is the most important and the most valuable person to ever walk the earth, He didn’t think of he was more important than anyone else. Never once did he pull rank with anyone. Never once did he use his godship for his gain. Never once did he consider himself better than any another. When we apply this to our relationship with the other person, you are not more important than the person  you are with.  You might think you are more important because you bring the money into the house. You might think you are more important because you gave birth to children.  You might think you are more important because, well, you think you are. But neither one of you is no important than the other. When we think we are more important and we try to play the role of God in the relationship. Even Jesus didn’t play the role of God and he was God. Neither one of you is more important than the other.

But if you want to stay in love, one must THINK, not just of themselves and how important they are to the relationship. But THINK how important the other is to the relationship. To stay in love – we must THINK the other person is more important.

Paul continues with saying this about Jesus:

⁷ Instead, he gave up his divine privileges; he took the humble position of a slave and was born as a human being. Some translations say, “he emptied himself.”

In our culture, we say, He/she is FULL of themselves. This means they believe they are the most valuable person in the room  Jesus emptied himself. There was not selfish, self-centered bone in his body. He never thought he was the most valuable person in the room. He  made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant and He gave up  his privileges,

If you want to stay in love – empty yourself.

In vs. 8 Paul says, “he willingly humbled himself.” Nobody did it for him. He made a decision to humble himself. He decided to put himself under. He decided to submit himself. He decided to subordinate himself to who? Not to his Father. He decided to do this for you and me.

If you want to stay in love – decide to humble yourself. Decide to submit yourself. Decide to subordinate yourself for them. And Jesus demonstrated this by:

⁸      humbling himself in obedience to God
    and died a criminal’s death on a cross.

This is the clincher ….. Jesus gave his life to have a relationship with human kind.

Are you willing to die to yourself to stay in love?  Die to  your childish behavior. Die to your desire to be right. Die to your selfish behaviors.