Happily Ever After

Scripture: I Corinthians 13:4-7, 11

 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

¹¹ When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things.

Love is very powerful.  It is powerful because God invented it. Love softens people’s hearts towards God and others. Love is a many splendored thing. I told you a couple of blog entries ago that the number one reason give me for wanting to get married is because  …… why?  ……. They are in love. In reality we are “twitterpated.” Twitterpated is a form of EROS love. We get the word erotic from this word. Eros love is the kind of love that makes you weak in the knees, makes your turn for a second look. We have all kind of erotic feelings. It makes you say unreasonable things like, “if you marry me I will clean the bathrooms for the rest of our lives.”  This is the kind of love (invented by God) that attracts us to others. It’s the kind of love that you have during the dating and engagements phases of boy/girl relationships.

Then you get married. Conflict arises. It is not a matter of if conflict arises – it is a matter of when conflicts arises.  Suddenly the “twitterpation” stops. Or as we term it – the honeymoon ends. There is a reason why conflicts arise. I was going to steal Andy Stanley’s illustration of why conflict arises but I am just going to show you. Just click here and laugh for the next two minutes.

All of us in here take our stuff with us into our relationships.  And when stuff happens – that stuff that is inside of us comes flying out. Some of us have gone through more stuff than we cared to. Our mom and dads and step parents did the best they could with the knowledge they had. We get our “stuff” from them. All of us in here have had defining moments –not all of them good –  in our lives that have shaped the way we have learned how to love. When we enter a relationship – stuff happens. What’s inside of you comes out in the relationships that are the most important to you.

Isn’t funny how that works? What’s inside of you come out in the relationships that are the most important to you.

• Cain killed Able
• Adam blamed Eve
• Eve blamed Adam
• Parents hurt their kids
• Kids hurt their parents
• Husband hurt wives
• Wives hurt husbands

If we were to keep going, you would notice that this has been the trend since sin entered the world. We hurt those closest to us the most. To stay in love, we need to ask the questions, “what’s inside of me that needs to die?” and “where do I need to grow up?”  (and is better)

I married this one couple a number of years ago and it was both their second
marriages. They both had been hurt pretty bad in their first marriages. I asked
them repeatedly, “are you sure you want to get married again?” The story they
shared was a story book romance. It was kind of sickening to counsel them
because they wouldn’t stop staring at each other. But when you get married –
STUFF HAPPENS.  Conflict happens. Disappointment happens. Disasters happen. Emotional melt downs happen. Hurt happens. To put an ending to this story – they don’t stare at each other anymore.

We all want this happily ever after. We like stories that have a happily ever ending. (just so you know ladies, guys want the happily ever after too but they will never tell you). If you watch any movie, or read any story, the happily ever after only comes after they’ve been through conflict. After they’ve been through disappointment.  After they have gone through some pain and frustration. They made love happen. The happily ever after is possible but you need to watch the whole movie to the end or you must read the whole story to the end.

Happily Ever After are the code words for staying in love. Walt Disney didn’t create the happily ever after. God created the happily ever after. And he tells us in I Corinthians 13 how to have the happily ever after:

Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

¹¹ When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things.

If you look at those words closely, none of those words are feeling or emotions. They are what love looks like. All of those words are action words. If you want the happily ever after, you want to stay in love, it just doesn’t happen.

Ladies if you want the happily ever after – love your man like that.

Men if you want the happily ever after – love your woman like that.

If you want to stay in love – repeat the cycle for the next 60 plus years.

But it’s impossible to love anyone that way!?  YEP. You are right. It is humanly impossible to love anyone that way. You see, love was invented by God. We don’t naturally know how to love another person. Love is not a natural thing. It is something that needs to be learned. It’s like starting anything new. When you start a new job, you need to be taught. When you start to play a sport you need to be taught. When you start a new business, you need to be taught.

The same is true with learning how to love. We know how to fall in love but we don’t naturally know how to love anyone. I needed to learn how to love my wife. I needed to learn how to love each of my kids.

If you want to stay in love, learn how to love:

• You practice not being rude.
• You practice not being impatient
• You practice being kind
• You practice not having your own way.
• You practice not being irritable.
• You practice not keeping record of wrongs.
• You practice rejoicing in the truth.
• You practice never giving up.
• You practice enduring.
• You practice never losing faith and always being helpful.

Practice! Practice! Practice! If you want to stay in love – you practice these things every day!

I need to be honest here and pause here for just a few lines. I was taught as a teen and young adult that God must be at the center of your relationship with the other. I have learned that it is impossible for God to be at the center of a relationship ……. if he isn’t first at the center of your life. I thought God was at the center of my life when I got married. I learned through conflicts, disappointments, and arguments that he wasn’t at the center of my life. Because of me, he wasn’t at the center of our marriage. When it came to loving my spouse, I was just a child who spoke like a child, reasoned like child, and many times acted like a child who refused to give up his childish ways.

Conflicts, disappointments, and arguments are good for any relationship.  They force you to give up your childish ways. I don’t recommend you go creating conflict. I don’t recommend you intentionally disappoint the other person. I don’t recommend you create arguments just to have an argument. You don’t have to worry ….. conflict, disappointment, and arguments will happen. When they do come we can choose to be childish or you can choose to help it grow your relationship.

If you want to stay in love – you give up your childishness.

• Your childish behaviors
• Your childish actions
• Your childish emotions

All of us are longing for the happily ever after. “When did you last give someone love like that?”

If you want to stay in love one needs to give love like that away.