You Complete Me

Our culture is in love with love.

There are 5 ½ Harliquin Romance books sold every second.

The message our culture  and even the church culture tells those who aren’t married or is at least dating someone is that you won’t be content or complete unless you are in a relationship. In fact the church culture communicates to single people that they are incomplete without someone in their life. Christian bookstores are full of books that deal with finding your future mate.  Both the mainstream and the church culture communicate, “if you are not with someone, there must be something wrong with you.”

Our culture teaches us that everyone must have someone who completes them. It teaches us all we need is love. Love sweet love. There are many who would do anything for love.

Life was never meant to be all about romantic love.  Much of what we think of as romantic love was actually an invention of Western culture, something that didn’t take a hold until the middle ages. It’s not like romantic love didn’t exist before – God invented romantic love too. But romantic love as a great quest, a great obsession, something we must have or be miserable, is a human, cultural invention. Many of us have been convinced that romantic love is the secret to our satisfaction and the missing piece to make life feel complete. Romantic love makes us feel good. Romantic love makes us look good. We are in love with love. Romantic love is not a bad thing but when we make it a requirement to be happy and content then it becomes an idol.

The scripture today is Genesis 29. This chapter could be called, “The Bachelor BC” because it would be a great story for reality tv.

Starting in verse 16: Now Laban had two daughters; the name of the older was Leah, and the name of the younger was Rachel. Leah had weak eyes, but Rachel was lovely in form, and beautiful. Jacob was in love with Rachel and said, “I’ll work for you seven years in return for your younger daughter Rachel.”

Jacob loved Rachel and made a deal with her dad, Laban, that he’d work seven years if he could have Rachel as his wife.

We also read that Laban had another daughter, an older daughter, named Leah. We’re told that she had weak eyes while her sister Rachel was lovely in form and beautiful.

Now listen to verse 20, So Jacob served seven years to get Rachel, but they seemed like only a few days to him because of his love for her. Isn’t that a romantic verse? There is a completely irrational side of love. We have a hard time thinking objectively about people or even things that we love. That’s why for some of you this message will be a hard one to hear.  Our emotions get involved and we don’t see things clearly.

After Jacob serves his time we read in verse21, Jacob said to Laban, “Give me my wife. My time is completed, and I want to lie with her.” Well, that doesn’t sound quite as romantic. But you can’t be too hard on the guy, Seven years is a long engagement. But all of the sudden there is a soap opera-type twist in the story.  Verse 22: So Laban brought together all the people of the place and gave a feast. ²³But when evening came, he took his daughter Leah and gave her to Jacob, and Jacob lay with her.

Verse 25: When morning came, there was Leah! Jacob woke up expecting Rachel, and found Leah!  So Jacob said to Laban, “What is this you have done to me? I served you for Rachel, didn’t I? Why have you deceived me?”

Then the drama really begins. If you keep reading in the story eventually Jacob marries Rachel as well. The whole thing ends up being a huge mess.  Leah loves her husband and wants more than anything else for him to love her. But he’s really not that interested because Rachel is the one he loves. Leah spends her life hoping and dreaming of the day she will feel love from her husband. Really, she makes it her life goal to win the heart of her husband Jacob. That’s what she puts her hope in.

Leah was put in a tough spot.  She was hoping and dreaming that by giving Jacob sons he would one day love her as he loved Rachel.  That never happened.

Leah was looking for Jacob to satisfy her. Leah was looking for Jacob to save her from her misery. Leah was looking for Jacob to be her source of significance. If you were to look at the names of her children she had with Jacob they tell the story of disappointment and heart ache that she was experiencing.

Leah’s problem  was that she wanted Jacob to be her God! With each child she continued to become more bitter. With each child she says, “finally he’ll love me”, “finally we can have a real marriage”, “finally we can have this happily ever after ending.”  Finally never came.

Leah just wanted to be loved.  What’s wrong with wanting to be loved? As fantastic as human love is, it can never be substituted for God’s love. We have this idea of love in our head of what it should be, what it should feel like, and what it should look like. Even guys have an idea of what love should feel and look like.  We fall in love with our idea of love.

As children we read books and watch movies that end with “and they lived happily ever after.” And we end up putting that dream on the altar and bowing down to it. In our culture romantic love is held up as the ultimate human experience. It’s the subject of countless books. It has inspired the beautiful works of poetry and art. It’s the plot line of innumerable movies. It is the theme of most every song.  Now don’t misunderstand, these relationships are often beautiful gifts from God. God is the creator of romantic love. Marriage was his idea. He is pleased with a love between friends. The problem comes when those relationships replace him.

My dad was my hero as I was growing up. We did a lot together. We went to basketball games, church, and I worked for him through the summers. When he died, I had a hatred towards God (a lot of bitterness as well). One day I was tired of being sick and tired. So, I went and prayed, read, and sang for several hours. During that time, God (I believe it was God) asked me this question, “do you trust your earthly father more than Me?” I answered honestly, “Yes, I do.” God was not my greatest affection – my dad was. Once I admitted this, my thinking began to change, my attitude began to change, and the God I worshipped changed.

No human being is designed to satisfy the deep longing in our hearts to be loved. As fantastic as human love is , it can never be substituted  for God’s love. Whenever we put another person in the position of having to complete us by satisfying our longing to be loved, or saving us from loneliness, or we need them to feel significant – we are wanting them to be God.

Here is the real issue: All of us are designed for a love far deeper than any human relationship but most of us settle for just another human loving us. When you make a relationship with someone else your God, it will eventually  be marked with disappointment and bitterness.

Parents, we do this with our children as well.  Our love for our children can become an idol. If the way your children act or don’t act determine whether or not you are having a good day – it is quite possible that they have become an idol in your life .  If your children have the power to make you angry or you are counting on them to be happy or joyful, well that’s what happens when make them gods of love.

Luke 14:26 reminds us, ²⁶ “If you want to be my disciple, you must hate everyone else by comparison—your father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even your own life. Otherwise, you cannot be my disciple. We must understand this verse in the context of all the scripture. Scripture tells us to honor our mother and father (Exodus), children love your parents, parents love your children, wives love your husbands, husbands love your wives (Ephesians).  So we need to go a little deeper.

 Hate is not the opposite of love. If you hate someone you are actually saying I love someone or something else more than the hated person or thing. I found this quote that helps us understand this word even more, “Hate is just a word for somebody you love but no longer believe in.” For instance, if someone says , “I hate you” ……  What they are really saying is, “I love myself more than I love you right now.” or “I love you but no longer do I believe in you.”

In the Jewish culture, hate was used to express a lesser form of love.

The truth we learn from this scripture is loving God is the only thing that makes you a disciple. God doesn’t want to be one of many THINGS and PEOPLE you love.  He is the only one to be loved period. Loving Him is the only thing that makes you a disciple.  A second truth from this scripture is, we are not to love other humans the same way we love God.

Leah finally figured that out.

Look at verses 35-36: ³⁵ Once again Leah became pregnant and gave birth to another son. She named him Judah,for she said, “Now I will praise the Lord!”

Something happened to Leah between vs. 35-36.

• Leah’s thinking changed.
• Leah’s attitude changed.
• Leah’s God changed.

She finally stopped looking  to her husband  for those things that only God can give and she turned to God and said, “this time (now) I will praise the Lord.” And she named her son, Judah, which is a hebrew word for praise. Judah may be a name that your recognize. In Matthew chapter 1 we find ourselves reading a list of names. Not the most exciting way to start off the New Testament, but these are the names of the ancestors of Jesus. Matthew 1:2 says Abraham was the father of Isaac, and Isaac was the father of Jacob, and Jacob was the father of Judah…Leah’s fourth son. God had a good plan for this marriage and it came when she turned to God as her source of fulfillment and put her hope in him.

She is rejected by her father and by her husband but she finally knocks these gods of love off the throne of her heart  and makes God her greatest affection.

God will never compete with your love for your spouse, kids, boy/girlfriend, or other family members. He wants to be your greatest affection. When God becomes your greatest affection all these other loves begin to line up.

 We do need to answer these two very critical questions:

Who does complete me?

Who has my greatest affection?

As a husband and father answering these two questions honestly changed the way I loved my wife and kids.  I believe that if God is your greatest affection he will change the way you think about your spouse, your boy/girlfriend, your children. The opposite is true. If you are experiencing nothing but pain and frustration in any of your key relationships then it very well may be looking to the relationships to complete  you and these relationships have your greatest affection. They have become your God.

In my story with my dad, I changed when I agreed with God that he (my dad) was the one I put my trust in. I admitted  my dad was my greatest affection. I admitted my dad was the one who completed me. When that happened my bitterness towards God changed to love for Him.

These questions, if answered, honestly, will change  your life.

He will complete you. Just ask Leah.