Poor Bud

Romans 12: 9-12  (NLT)

⁹ Don’t just pretend to love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Hold tightly to what is good. ¹⁰ Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other. ¹¹ Never be lazy, but work hard and serve the Lord enthusiastically. ¹² Rejoice in our confident hope. Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying.

^9-10 Love from the center of who you are; don’t fake it. Run for dear life from evil; hold on for dear life to good. Be good friends who love deeply; practice playing second fiddle.

^11-13 Don’t burn out; keep yourselves fueled and aflame. Be alert servants of the Master, cheerfully expectant. Don’t quit in hard times; pray all the harder. Help needy Christians; be inventive in hospitality.                                                                         –The Message

His name was Bud. He was a factory worker with more than a slight resemblance to Archie Bunker. Every single day he’d come home sweaty and dirty. He’d go in the back door, grab an alcoholic beverage of choice from the frig, and plop himself down in front of the TV until his wife brought him supper.

One day as he was driving to work he happened to come across a Christian psychologist on the radio – kinda’ of a local version of James Dobson. And something the commentator said  stuck in his mind that love and marriage are about sacrifice. And it hit him – no, convicted him – that he’d been expecting his wife to sacrifice for him but he’d never really sacrificed for her. It was though a relational light bulb came on and he knew that he had to do something about it. So he decided that he was going to surprise her the next day. Before coming home he showered and shaved. He went to the florist and bought flowers and instead of going in the back door he went to the front door he went to the front and rang the bell.

When he answered the door he held out the flowers and said – “Honey, they’re for you. I love you!”

She looked at him, her mouth dropped open. Tears filled her eyes.

And she said, “I’ve had a terrible day. Billy broke his leg and I had to take him to the hospital. No sooner had I got home then the phone rang. It was your mother and she’s coming  to visit for two weeks. I tried to do the wash but the machine broke and there’s water all over the basement floor. And now, you come home drunk!”

But …….. let’s give Bud credit; he’d finally got the right idea! Love manifests itself in sacrificial action. Love and sacrifice go hand in hand with husband’s and wives, brother’s and sisters, with team mates, with business partners, with God and humanity.

Bud had the right idea – genuinely loving someone cost you something.

• You change the way you think about them.
• You change the way you relate to them.

When loving others you mature. You put their interest before yours. You serve them more than they serve you. When I meet with engaged couples I always ask this question, ” Why do you want to get married?” 9 times out of 10 the answer is, “Because we are in __________.” I respond by saying, “that it is not really love. It’s an erotic feeling and they really turn you on. Once you are married you learn to love one another. It just doesn’t come naturally. It is something that is learned and experienced.” Over the years you change the way you think about them and you change the way you relate to them. Over the years you stop trying to impress them and you serve them.

Paul challenges us to love without pretending.  I am suggesting  if your love doesn’t cost you something then you are just pretending.

• You can figure out when others are pretending to love you.
  • They promise something and they never follow through
  • They say stuff just to get  you to like them.
• You can figure out when you are pretending to love others.
  • You have no intention of doing anything for them
  • We say certain stuff to get people to like you.

We know when we are pretending and we know when others are pretending. Don’t we? Loving without pretending is a major key in being the light of the world and the salt of the earth.

How do you love without pretending?

• First of all we need to look at why we pretend.  The reason we pretend is because we have an inaccurate view of ourselves. We either think too highly of ourselves which affects how we love others. Or with think too lowly of ourselves which affects how we love others. So we pretend. If we think too highly of ourselves we become  spiritual snobs. So we try to prove to others that we can be humble. If we think to lowly of ourselves we become a spiritual doormat and become people with no spiritual back bone. So we try to prove to others that we have some spiritual backbone.

When we try to prove others anything – we just become pretenders.  You don’t have to prove anything to anybody. You are already God’s greatest joy and greatest asset.  How do you love without pretending? Stop trying to prove yourself to others. Let God transform the way you think.

Those who are being transformed (like Bud here) don’t pretend. Bud wasn’t pretending. He had a God moment. A Damascus road experience.  He was humbled by God. Bud began to think in a different way. Bud began to think of his wife more than himself. His motives became genuine.

If you want a great relationship with anyone a person needs to learn to be a living sacrifice.

When loving others you are the one who matures. Not because you have to. Not because you want to impress others or pretend to be someone you are not. It’s because you want to sacrifice for them. When you genuinely love someone you are willing to sacrifice for them. If you are not willing to sacrifice then you are just pretending.

None of you parents, grandparents, aunts, and uncles  are forced to love your kids. It is something you willfully do. You make adjustments in your schedules to love them. You make adjustments in your life to make time for them. It is not something you HAVE to do – it is something you want to willfully do. This is what it means to be a living sacrifice.

I will never forget the lady who tried to make my oldest daughter Lyndsay love her. Lyndsay was about 4 or 5 years old and this lady came up to me and said, “I’m going to make your daughter love me.”  I said to her, “good luck!” This lady tried for years. But she never succeeded. That is because you can’t make anyone love you nor can you make yourself love someone. When you genuinely love them you willfully do it. It takes a change inside of you.

Genuine love is demonstrated in becoming a living sacrifice. In other words, when you want to personally impact another person’s life – you give up something personal. Here is a little one minute on Team Hoyt that will give you a great picture of being a living sacrifice looks like. (click here to watch). Genuine love is sacrificing for others whether they love us back or not.

John 15:13  “There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” You can’t fake sacrifice. When you do sacrifice it affects someone else’s life and it make an impact. They are forever changed.

The first disciples in the book of Acts got it. When a plague would come to an area, all of the religious leaders would leave and let the people die. Christians saw this as an opportunity to love other sacrificially. This is one of the reasons the church grew so rapidly – the early follower became living sacrifices. The risked their health by going and caring for these people who their religious leaders left behind. They just didn’t simply pray for the pagan nations to know Christ – they sacrificed themselves. Some to the point of death. When you love someone to the point of sacrificing yourself, you know it is real love. When you love sacrificially, it becomes addicting. You go from having to do it to wanting to do it.

God needs us to love others. Not everyone knows they are loved by God. This is a gross misconception. When we love others sacrificially  it will soften their hearts toward God. We are not necessarily called to do great things for them ; we are called to do small things with great love.

Genuine love is action. We can say we love each other and we can say we love others but if it is not followed up with action it is not love. I can say I love my kids all I want but if is not following up with action – it is not love. I can say I love my wife all I want but if it is not followed up with action – it is not love. I can say I love  my church all I want but it if it not followed up with action – it is not love. I can say I love my neighbor all I want but if it is not followed up with action – it is not love. I can say I love Jesus all I want but if is not followed up with action – it is not love. It is something you do.

How do we make this personal?

We need to do something practical and intentional.

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