It’s Tough

watch this before reading it will help the ending make sense – it’s only a couple of minutes

Genesis 37 – “Here comes that dreamer!” they said to each other. “Come now, let’s kill him and throw him into one of these cisterns and say that a ferocious animal devoured him. Then we’ll see what comes of his dreams.”
23 So when Joseph came to his brothers, they stripped him of his robe—the ornate robe he was wearing— 24 and they took him and threw him into the cistern. The cistern was empty; there was no water in it.
Genesis 50 – 19 But Joseph said to them, “Don’t be afraid. Am I in the place of God? 20 You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. 21 So then, don’t be afraid. I will provide for you and your children.” And he reassured them and spoke kindly to them.

Pastor, I don’t understand it. My wife and I saved ourselves for marriage. We were 27-28 when we got married. After 10 years of marriage we discovered we were unable to have children. So many couples have children out-of-wedlock and others are aborting unwanted children and we can’t have even one.”
“Pastor, my wife and I decided to apply for adoption – it was a really expensive and involved process. We trusted and prayed. After a year we were given a girl from Russia only to discover later that she had neurological problems. Her IQ will never get over 74.”
“Pastor, I thought my dad was a good dad. After 40 years of marriage he asked for a divorce. We discovered that he’d been carrying on in an affair with another woman for the past 28 years. His mistress has a lucrative trust fund available to her, she and my dad are living the high life, and my mother a good Christian woman, was left alone and rejected”
“Pastor, my mom has severe Alzheimer’s at 69 years old. My only sister lives out-of-town and doesn’t want to remember mom like this so she refuses to visit or help out. It’s causing a lot of stress in our relationship.”

There are two things you need to understand about the statements I just read.
1. They are all the same person.
2. This 45-year-old man still loves God and is coping with his situation in a remarkable way.

How do you stay faithful to God when you grow up in a family that hurts you?
How do you stay faithful to God when you are dealt an unfair hand in life?
It’s tough.

It’s tough to put your faith in God when your family has hurt you.  It’ tough to stay faithful to God when you are dealt an unfair hand in life.  It’s tough to trust a God whose only promise is that he will be with you. It’s tough to trust a God who is more concerned about your maturity than your safety. (James 1)

Just asked Joseph (the one who had the coat of many colors).

I have always pictured Joseph as that annoying little brother who always got his way. He got the coat of many colors. The coat demonstrated that Joseph was considered the first –born and would receive double the inheritance. What a slap in the face to his oldest brother.  He was also the favorite of all his brothers. AND ….  his dad, Jacob,  made it known.  He was the youngest and everyone knows that the youngest in the family always get what they want. On top of all his specialness – he had the ability to interpret dreams.

This family was the definition of dysfunctional family. The father’s had an  obvious love for only one of his kids. He had two wives that didn’t like each other and nagged at each other.  There was a sibling jealousy that caused the other 10 to plan Joseph’s death. Instead of killing him, they ended up throwing him into a pit, selling him as a slave, and staging his death to convince their dad that he was killed by a wild animal. This family is totally messed up. Wouldn’t you agree? We would be outraged if we read this story on the internet.

Despite the fact that his family was totally messed up, there are no flagrant flaws recorded against him. There are 15 chapters of Genesis devoted to the life of Joseph and not a negative thing is recorded about him. Let’s put this in perspective. The same can’t be said about the other heroes in the Bible. Noah got drunk. Abraham lied. Jacob (his dad) was deceptive. Moses killed a man, and David committed adultery.

He wasn’t perfect by any means. He is said to have been egotistical and if you read the story you could say that he flaunted his special abilities in front of his brothers. As a teen, you could define him as an obnoxious jerk. He grew up in a dysfunctional family. Counselors have defined a dysfunctional home as “one where a lot of hurt is going on that produces a lack of respect and a sense of disintegration.” A simpler definition is,  “A dysfunctional home is one that isn’t functioning as God intended.” God has designed the home to be an oasis of security, love, and harmony. A dysfunctional home is a wasteland of insecurity, loneliness, and disunity.

A person who has been raised in a dysfunctional family, and in my humble opinion, has a remarkable story of not letting her past define her and at the same time using her past to help others who are walking through some of the stuff she did. Now she helps others deal with their dysfunctional families. She has her Masters from Ball State University and is a licensed therapist. Her relationship with God has played a significant role in her healing. God has sent people along her way to encourage her and help her heal. As her pastor, I have gotten to play a small role in her story. I asked Pam if I could ask her a few questions about that journey of dealing with a dysfunctional family. (I apologize. We had technical difficulties and was not able to record the interview.  The following is a summary of that interview).

Q:1 What was your childhood like growing up in your home?

P: The only thing good about my childhood was that my dad and mom provided a roof over my head and put food on the table.  My father was abusive. When he came home we weren’t sure what he was going to do. There were times when I would hear my mom and  dad screaming. He would be hitting my mom and there were times I would step in and take the blows for her. There were times we would pack up our stuff and get ready to leave him only to realize we had nowhere else to go.

Q2: If there was one, what was the turning point for you or has it been an ongoing battle?

P: A turning point for me was when I went to college. I  spent time with a counselor and she help me realize that I can’t change my past and I can’t save my brothers or my mom and dad. I accepted it and became a psych major and I also got my masters so that I could help other kids that are walking through the same thing I did. It is also an ongoing battle. But … I have matured and my past doesn’t control me as much as it did.  It’s getting better.

Q3: How have the things you walked through in your life help you mature emotionally and spiritually?

P: I had to face them or they would control me the rest of my life.

Q4: What  sustains you? Why do you keep seeking after God despite all the things you have walked through?

P: I learned that I can use the things I have walked through to help others. I want to give hope to kids and let them know there is a better way. God has brought people along my path who have given me hope. They have given me reason to live. God has played a significant role in providing the right people at the right time.

What Pam’s story teaches is despite the dysfunction in her family, despite the unfair things that happened to her over the years, God can turn a sad story to a story with meaning. God can turn what was meant for evil into something good. Joseph, too,  grew up in a waste land of insecurity, loneliness, and disunity. But yet, at the end of the story he is promoted to second in command of the most powerful nation of his day – Egypt. He was the Abraham Lincoln of the OT. He kept the nation together and it prospered under  his leadership.

Before he was second in command, Joseph continued to experience hardships after he was sold into slavery by his brothers. In one day he went from favored son to lowly slave. From sleeping on a feathery mattress to sleeping on a stone floor. He life was turned upside down.  He was framed for rape. He was unjustly thrown into prison.

There is no possible way Joseph could have understood. There wasn’t a Gideon Bible he could read to find out the end of his story. There is no possible way we can understand why we were brought up in the families that we were brought up in or why the hand in life we have been dealt with is unfair. We can’t control who are parents are. We can’t control the unfair things we walk through in life. We can’t control what happened to us in the past.

Joseph couldn’t control what happened to him either. I can’t imagine the discouragement and doubt that he walked through. But when you look at Genesis 39:2 you learn “the Lord was with Joseph and he prospered.” 

God is not out to destroy us. God is not out to make our life a disaster.

What exactly is God up to?

Jeremiah 29:11-13  (NLT)
11 For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. 12 In those days when you pray, I will listen. 13 If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me.

1. He knows exactly what’s going on in your life. He makes His business to get to know you intimately.  God is not surprised by anything. He knows the plans he has for you. Whatever you are walking through, if you trust him, they are for your good. What you are going through God’s plan is not to destroy you. We don’t understand the things we are going through while we are going through them but if you look back at the things you have walked through in life I believe they busted your self-centered bubble and caused you to mature.

You only find what you are desiring to find. John 3:30 reminds us that He must become greater and we must become less. We seem to have to go through all these other things we desire before we realize we have been desiring him all along. Only he can give the peace we are looking for. Only he can give the joy we are looking for. Only he can give the courage you are looking for. When you desire Him more than he answer your prayer. When you desire him more than getting out of the circumstance you are in – that’s how  you know He is becoming greater.

2. He’s waiting for you to look for him wholeheartedly. Because when you do you will find him.

When you need him – actually need him – only then will he become greater. If you look closely at the stories I shared with you this morning. In each case, God never left them and he gave each a hope and a future. Not the perfect life and complete understanding. But he has done what is perfect for each one of them.

How do you know if you have found him? You know he is with you no matter what happens in your life. This is not an intellectual understanding. This is an understanding that comes from being a relationship with him.You can look at what’s going in your life and honestly say, “everything is going to be alright” – this too shall pass. His Spirit gives you a quiet confidence to face life circumstances rather than fake life circumstances. 

I am confident that God uses every moment, whether good or bad – but especially those bad moments in our life when we don’t understand why we are going through what we are going through and uses them the same way He has used in the man’s life I mentioned at the beginning. He uses them the same he has used them in Pam’s and Joseph’s life. God uses every moment we don’t understand to grow us up. Why? Because that is when we realize we need Him more than what we are actually desiring. 

His plan is turn your hopelessness into hope. Your desperation into devotion. Your selfishness into servanthood.  If your story were to end today – would you be content with God alone?
You’ve grown up when you are content with God alone.