Wronged

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When Frank and Elizabeth Morris of Hopkinsville, Kentucky, were notified that their only son Ted had just been killed in an automobile accident, they were distraught. When they learned that the December 23 crash had been caused by a drunk driver, Tommy Pigage, who was not injured in the accident, they were furious. Where was God? Where was justice? Where was that Biblical promise that all things work together for good to those who love God?

Ted Morris had been a scholarship student at David Lipscomb University and was the polar opposite of Tommy Pigage. Ted was a model student, a wonderful Christian who was self-controlled and thoughtful of others. Now his valuable life had been snuffed out by this insolent, drunken sleaze ball.

Understandably, the Morris’ were so bitter they demanded justice. They wanted the book thrown at Tommy Pigage. Months later when all he got was a suspended sentence, Frank and Elizabeth Morris were outraged. They began to monitor Tommy Pigage’s every move hoping to catch him in a parole violation so they could send him to jail. Finding a way to destroy Tom Pigage dominated their thoughts almost as much as grieving for their son Ted.

You can’t live in this world very long without being hurt by another. Sometimes, as in the case of Frank and Elizabeth Morris, the person who wounds you is a complete stranger. More often, as in the case of Joseph, the one responsible for your hurt is someone very close to you. A brother abuses, a sister steals, a father deserts, a mother disappoints, a mate has an affair, a child neglects you.

No matter how you have been wronged, if you are a Christ follower, you are to forgive.

• Mathew 6 14-15, “For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.”
• Ephesians 4:32 “Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

You don’t have to forgive. God is not going to make you forgive anyone. You NEED to forgive.

Why do we need to forgive and forgive quickly?
God can begin a supernatural work in you. This is the only way he can begin a supernatural work in you.  Unforgiveness only grows to bitterness, like gangrene or puss,  it turns into a poison that destroys you from the inside out.  As Christ followers forgiving demonstrates the love of Christ.

Parents know this all too well. When our kids get into a fight and someone gets hurt what do we make them do? We make them say, “I’m sorry”. I hated when my mom made me do that. I wasn’t sorry for what I did, why should I say, “I am sorry.” Why do we make our kids do that? Because we know the process has to start somewhere and with someone.

When someone has wronged you or someone close to you – what do you want them to say?  When a spouse has wronged you what do you want them to say?  When your child has wronged you what do you want them to say? When a stranger has wronged you what do you want them to say?

Whether they say I am sorry or not – we need to FORGIVE them. I couldn’t find anywhere in the scriptures where it says they have to say their sorry. I couldn’t find anywhere in the scriptures where it says they have to admit they are wrong.  I couldn’t find anywhere in the scriptures what it says they have to do anything.

Jesus does say this in Mark 11:25,  “And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you.” In other words, if you have anything against anyone  forgive them. Why? Because if YOU want to be forgiven you must first forgive.

The initial issue is between you and God – “am I going to forgive?” -This doesn’t make sense to me at all. I haven’t done anything. They are the ones who wronged me or someone closed to me. Someone needs to grow up. Since the person who has done the wrong is immature and selfish someone needs to be a spiritual grown up and demonstrate the love of Christ. Someone needs to love their enemy. Someone needs to love the person who has done the wrong because God’s plan is not only to give me a hope and a future  but he wants to give them a hope and a future.

This past week I got to talk with Cathy Davis. Her  daughter was murdered. I spent a couple of hours with Cathy talking about her daughter and the murder before she moved up north. In my recent conversation with her she talked about the man who killed her daughter. She is hoping she gets the opportunity to talk with him. She said, “ God tells me I need to forgive him. I want him to know that I have forgiven him.” She went on to say that God had given her a peace that passes all understanding and she hopes he gets the maximum sentence.

When someone has wronged you, it is an incredible opportunity to demonstrate the love of Christ. The love of Christ is patient, kind, gentle, not boastful, not proud, does not rejoice about injustice but lets truth win out. Truth always wins out. Cathy’s story and Joseph story gives evidence of that.

In Genesis 42 a dramatic incident occurred. Joseph 10 brothers came from Canaan to Egypt requesting grain. These were the same 10 brothers that wanted to kill him but instead faked his death, through him in a pit, and sold him as a slave. Joseph would have perfectly within his right to put the OT law of “and eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth” into practice. He could have done to them exactly what they did to him. He could have imprisoned them, tortured them, and sold them as slaves. Just like they did to him. I think in moments like this, one needs to ask the question, “what do I want to be remembered for?”

I am not sure Joseph asked that question but something happened in Joseph that led him to say this ….

“Don’t be afraid of me. Am I God, that I can punish you? 20 You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good. He brought me to this position so I could save the lives of many people.

-Genesis 50:19-20

Joseph was able to forgive them. What his brothers did to him was still wrong. Forgiveness is not saying “what you did doesn’t matter”, or “it didn’t hurt me”.

Forgiveness is saying, “I’m not going to try to punish you nor am I going to hold a grudge against you.” Forgiveness is saying, “God is the perfect judge.”

Forgiveness is not saying I trust you again. You can forgive them instantly, but credibility takes some time to restore. For example, let’s say a college girl is engaged to be married, but two weeks before the wedding her fiancé has been cheating on her – He begs her to forgive him. She ought to forgive him but I wouldn’t recommend she marry him in the next month.

Forgiveness is not playing stupid. Joseph wasn’t stupid. He didn’t trust them right away. He put them through a series of test to see if they had grown up any. Once he was convinced they had matured and had a repenting heart – he revealed himself.

Forgiveness takes the initiative and looks for ways to express kindness. Forgiveness does what it can to restore the relationship. There are some relationships that cannot be restored but that does not exempt us from being kind to the one who has done the wrong. The alternative is to remain bitter towards them.

Hebrews 12:15 reminds us, “See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.”

Someone pointed out , “Bitterness is like acid – it does more damage to the container in which it is stored than the one on whom it’s intended to be poured.”

I believe this story gives a wonderful example of what we need to do instead of holding a grudge and growing bitter –

A sheep farmer discovered that his neighbor’s vicious dog had been killing small lambs. After losing several newborn sheep, the sheep farmer begged the neighbor to tie the dog or pen him up. The neighbor stubbornly refused. Instead of shooting the dog or suing the neighbor, the sheep farmer gave a little lamb to the neighbor’s children. Within a day the vicious dog was penned up.

The farmer forgave him and blessed him.

Genuine forgiveness is not easy. Forgiveness is a process that takes conscious effort, intense prayer, and considerable time. But it is essential to coping with the tragedies that surface in almost every life. Forgiveness has reached maturity when we can look back on an injustice and say, “God saw me through it and I grew because of it, and maybe … maybe it’s the best thing in the long run.” In Joseph’s case, it took twenty years to understand and say that, but that’s when forgiveness is complete. You can begin to rejoice and mourn with them when something good or bad happens.

Tommy Pigage of Hopkinsville, Kentucky, was, in his own words, a hoodlum who was dead drunk when, two nights before Christmas in 1982, he slammed his car head on into the car of Ted Morris and killed him.

At first, Frank and Elizabeth Morris were consumed with revenge and demanded justice. But months later, when Tommy Pigage was arrested a second time for drunkenness, Elizabeth Morris knew she could no longer harbor bitterness and hatred. She was a follower of Christ and knew her hatred of Tommy and her anger at God were destroying her.

Elizabeth Morris went to visit Tommy Pigage in jail. The following weeks both Elizabeth and Frank Morris, strong Christian people, willed to forgive. They eventually extended kindnesses and invited Tommy into their home.

There’s a magazine article in People’s magazine about their remarkable experience. The subtitle read, “In a Supreme Act of Forgiveness, a Kentucky Couple ‘Adopts’ the Man Who Killed Their Son.” It took a while and there were some agonizing moments, but following are the final paragraphs of the story:

On January 12, returning from a MADD lecture in Todd County, Ky., Frank Morris, a United Parcel Service driver who once was a part-time preacher, began a conversation with Tommy about the Bible. “On the way,” says Frank, “I could see he was a believer. I said, ‘If you’re sincere in wanting to be baptized, I can stop this very night and baptize you.’ About 10 that night we stopped at the Little River Church. Tommy put on a baptismal gown, and I baptized him by immersion. He thanked me and asked if I’d forgive him for what he’d done. I said, ‘Yes, I’ll forgive you.’ Elizabeth had already forgiven him.”

When genuine forgiveness happens. Something supernatural happens. God turns what is intended to harm us and God uses it for our good.

If Joseph could forgive his brothers for all they put him through, if Cathy Davis could forgive the man who killed her daughter in cold blood, if Frank and Elizabeth Morris could forgive the man who killed their son, if God can forgive you of all you’ve done, isn’t it time you willed to forgive the one who has offended you?

“Father, forgive my sins as I forgive those who have sinned against me.”