You Can’t Afford Not To!

(click on the pic to listen) In 2003, Eric Smallridge, of Tallahassee, Fla., was found guilty of two counts of DUI manslaughter. While driving at twice the legal limit for alcohol, he hit a car carrying Lisa Dickson and Meagan Napier, both 20, killing both girls instantly. He got 22 years for the crime, which sounded just about right to Renee Napier, Meagan’s mom.
“I felt like our system had served us well and justice had been served. I definitely felt that,” Renee says.
But a few years later, a woman came forward and asked the judge to reduce Eric’s sentence by half. She claimed Eric was truly sorry for what he’d done and deserved leniency. The judge obliged — partly because of what she said, but mostly because of who she was.
Renee’s 180-degree shift began with the single turn of a single phrase. First at Eric’s sentencing and later in a letter, Renee told Eric she’d forgiven him, even though, at the time, she hadn’t — not really. At trial, Eric had actually been pretty defensive and unapologetic.
“I could hate him forever and the world would tell me that I have a right to do that,” Renee says. “It’s not going to do me any good, and it’s not going to do him any good. I would grow old and bitter and angry and hateful. … In my opinion, forgiveness is the only way to heal.”

Forgiveness IS the only way to heal your broken heart/spirit.

• If someone has hurt you – forgive them
• If someone has disappointed you – forgive them
• If someone has betrayed you – forgive them
• If someone has “done you wrong” – forgive them.

They don’t deserve it. The will never earn it. But Jesus did it ……. ALOT!

Why did Jesus forgive? It was not because he had to and it was expected of him. It was because He wanted the people to know how much His Father loved them. 

If you are wondering whether or not you should forgive someone, you do not have to nor is it a requirement. Instead one must ask the question, “how much do I want them to know that God loves them?”

Forgiving someone is not about making yourself feel better. You never feel better after you been hurt by someone. Forgiveness really has nothing to do with what you want. Forgiveness allows others to experience the love of God.

Jesus forgave Peter for the worst thing you can do to another human being.

Look at Mark 14:66-72

66 Meanwhile, Peter was in the courtyard below. One of the servant girls who worked for the high priest came by 67 and noticed Peter warming himself at the fire. She looked at him closely and said, “You were one of those with Jesus of Nazareth.”
68 But Peter denied it. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said, and he went out into the entryway. Just then, a rooster crowed.
69 When the servant girl saw him standing there, she began telling the others, “This man is definitely one of them!” 70 But Peter denied it again.
A little later some of the other bystanders confronted Peter and said, “You must be one of them, because you are a Galilean.”
71 Peter swore, “A curse on me if I’m lying—I don’t know this man you’re talking about!” 72 And immediately the rooster crowed the second time.
 Suddenly, Jesus’ words flashed through Peter’s mind: “Before the rooster crows twice, you will deny three times that you even know me.” And he broke down and wept.

Peter was one of Jesus’ closest disciples. He was part of what they call the inner 3.  Peter spent three years traveling with Jesus. Sitting around campfires with Jesus. Laughing with Jesus. Peter is the one who said, “don’t wash my feet but wash my whole body.”  Peter is the one who boldly answered, “you are the messiah,” when asked by Jesus “who do YOU say that I am?” One could argue that Peter was one of Jesus’ best friends.

Yet with win the pressure was on he completely denied that He even knew him!• I sometimes wonder what was more painful, Peter’s denial or the nails going through his hands and feet. I am willing to bet that they were equally painful.

You have more than likely walked through some painful things in life. One of the most painful things I have ever had to walk through happened when I got home three hours after my curfew. I tried to be quiet. I tried to open the backdoor quietly and sneak in. When I opened the backdoor guess who was waiting for me on the back steps? My mother.

Before I tell you this rest of the story, I want you to know that my mother and I had a great relationship (she passed away a few months ago). But both of us messed up this night.

My mother was furious  and began yelling at the top of her lungs. Being the mature son, I yelled back at the top of my lungs. This went on for a minutes and each time the our voices got louder. Neither one of us was willing to give in. Finally, she said words that no child should ever hear: “I wish you would have never been born!”

I didn’t know what to say back. I was stunned. I turned away from her and walked to my room in silence. I began thinking, “my mother just told me, ‘I wish I never knew you! She wished I never existed!'” When someone wishes you never existed whether it is out of anger or not, it causes excruciating pain.

Most people said things to our spouse, our kids, a friend, or our parents that we wish we could have taken back. Because of him weeping bitterly, I am sure Peter wishes he could take back that moment of failure and verbal betrayal. But he couldn’t. I couldn’t. My mom couldn’t.

So …… what needs to happen?

Someone needs to step up and begin the process of forgiveness. Otherwise, hatred, bitterness, hardness of heart, and the dehumanization of another human being or as Yancey called it in my last blog entry,  “ungrace”, takes place.

If you are a Christ follower, that someone is you!

Matthew 5:15 tells us,

“But if you do not forgive other their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.”

Jesus is telling us forgiving others is important. Why is forgiveness so important?

When you forgive (according to Lewis Smedes), you surrender  your right to get even. Someone needs to give up their right to get even others wise God cannot begin the forgiveness process.  Forgiving someone is a verb not a noun. Someone has to do something in order for God to do something.

This is why it is so important: If you’re harboring bitterness, if your holding a grudge, or if there is hate in your heart, you are just as guilty as the one who has hurt you.

 Look at what these scriptures say,

I John 3:15

Anyone who hates his brother or sister is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life residing in him.

Matthew 5:21-22

“You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, “You shall not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgement. But I tell you that anyone who is angry with a brother or sister will be subject to judgement.

Forgiveness is a big deal. There are some eternal consequences if you don’t.

Secondly, you give your enemies humanity back. Even though Jesus was treated cruelly, he still saw those who were mistreating him as human beings. He said, “father forgive them, because they don’t know what they are doing.”

Your enemies are created in the image of God – just like you. Your enemies are loved by God – just like you. Your enemies have sinned against God – just  like you. They are a person who deserves the opportunity to experience forgiveness – just like you.

When there is no forgiveness you are saying that person is not created in the image of God.

Forgiveness is a big deal

The third reason forgiveness is important is you get the freedom to wish that person well. They are not going to be your best friend. You probably won’t invite them to your house any time soon. You probably won’t name any children after them. But you get the freedom to hope they do well.

Romans 12:15 says,

“Rejoice with those who rejoice, mourn with those who mourn.”

When you refuse to forgive someone – you are not hurting them – you are hurting yourself. You are the one who is being held spiritually and emotionally hostage.

You read about this in the story of Joseph. He was able to forgive his brothers for trying to destroy him. He told them, “what you meant for evil, God turned it into good.” This is exactly what God will do – if you choose to forgive. He will turn your hurtful situation into an opportunity to do something supernatural in you and the person who has offended you.

Forgiveness is supernatural.  God is the only person who can turn what was intended to harm or destroy you into something that will draw you closer to Him.

When you forgive, you are willing to be open to the what God wills.

If you remember the story from the last blog entry, you read about the young seminarian who forgave the members of the gang who beat him up and God opened up their heart. The supernatural began to happen. God’s will is for all mankind to know him. The young man was set free from bitterness and was able to share with them how much God loved them. Some of the gang members came to know Christ because the young seminarian was able to forgive and let go of the bitterness.

Forgiveness is important because Jesus forgave us and he tells us we are to forgive others. Do others deserve to be forgiven.   NO.
Are others entitled to forgiveness?  NO.

This is where grace comes in. It is a supernatural act of God (it can’t be explained fully how it works) that allows the process of forgiveness to take place.

You can’t forgive without grace and you can’t give grace without forgiving.

Jesus forgave Peter. He went on to become the rock of the church.

Jesus forgave my mom. She continued to love me as  her son.

Jesus forgave me. I was able to love her back.

I forgave my mom and my mom forgave me. How do I know that happen? I was able to mourn when she left this earth.

For forgiveness to begin, one must ask the question, “how much do i want the other person know they are loved by God?”

You can’t afford not to forgive.