A Dumb Thing Smart Christian Parents Believe

Watch this before reading on. You will be glad you did.

If you have ever been a parent you know parenting is not the easiest thing to do. If you are a Christian parent it is even worse. When your kids don’t turn out the way you expected them to …. there is a sense of guilt. There is the question, “where did we go wrong?” We raised them in church. They went to Sunday school. They went to youth group. They grew up and they walked away from God. Many parents believe if they train up their child – meaning – if we take them church, Sunday school, have devotions with them, and even invest time and energy in them – they won’t walk away from God. You can be the best godly parents in the world and that does not guarantee your kids will follow Jesus.

If you were fortunate enough to have kids who didn’t walk away from God when they became adults – don’t take the credit. If you were unfortunate enough to have kids walk away from God when they became adults – don’t take the credit. I like what Larry Osborne says in this book, 10 Dumb things Christian Believe. He said, “when you are done raising your kids, take a nap or enjoy your life. In other words, you are done, you’ve done your best with the resources you had. There is no need to feel guilty when your kid(s) walks from God.

The urban legend is, “if you raise your kids in a godly home it guarantees your kids will be Christ followers.” Will have built this urban on Proverbs 22:6:

Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it.

The God-breathed proverbs that we read in the Bible are not promises from God. All throughout the scriptures you read how the righteous are not always honored. The wicked sometime succeed. The diligent can lose it all and the lazy can strike it rich.This Proverb or any proverb doesn’t promise anything. A Proverb is an encouraging word of advice. It is not a promise.that says, if you train them up this way, they will not depart from what they are taught. The truth is some will depart from it. There are no guarantees when training your kids. Ultimately the choice is theirs. As parents you have no control of the direction they take in life. Good or bad …. We can’t take the credit of how our kids turn out. You will have your critics. You will your questioners. Most of them are people without kids.

As parents we got to be careful if our kids turn out good. It could build a sense of pride in us and we could be looked at as experts and asked, “how did you do that?” The honest answer is, “I have know idea.”  If they turn out bad a sense of guilt and shame build up in us.  We say things like, “why couldn’t my kids turn out like them.”  If we are Christian parents and our kids walk away from Christ, we feel like a failure. There is no guarantee that they will return to God. You’ve done your job.  Train them in the way he/she should go, then go take a nap and enjoy your life. That is the best thing you can do for your kids. Let them create their own journey. It could be with or without God.
All throughout the scriptures you see where kids have messed up. Who do we blame for their kids messing up? The parents. We say things like, “if only their parents would have done this”, if only they would have done that.”

Cain killed Able. They had the most godly parents in the world. They took the bite of the apple and sin entered the world but I am sure they didn’t teach their kids to kill each other.

Let’s give credit where credit is due ….. it is called sin. Cain got jealous enough of his brother and killed his brother. At the end of July 2015, a disgruntled television employee films his shooting of a reporter and a camera man. I am sure his parents didn’t train their child up  – Christian or not – to kill another human being. It’s called sin. You are born with it and your kids are born with it. And sometimes sin wins. You can’t stop it.  You can only train your child in the way he/she should go. If you do the chances of your kid killing someone diminish greatly.

You also have Jacob and Esau. Both were raised by the same parents and their lives  went in two totally different directions.

There is Eli and his two sons. Eli was a priest. His sons became bad priest. There are no guarantees that if you are a Christian parent, your kids will follow Christ. You train them up in the things of God and the chances of them returning to the faith are good – but there is no guarantee they will. It didn’t work out for Eli.

Then there is Joseph and his brothers. They all were raised by the same parents. His eleven brothers tried to kill him but instead sold him as a slave. Do you think these parents taught their kids, “hey when you little brother is smart – allecky – throw him in a pit and sell him as a slave.” Probably not.

Finally, there is Jesus mom and dad. It is said that Jesus had 6 brothers and sisters. Why couldn’t they all turn out like Jesus?  They all had the same parents. It would have been terrible to be Jesus brother or sister. Watch this little 57 second clip. Parents of the greatest kids in the Bible couldn’t guarantee their kids would go the way they trained them.

Just because you train them up the way they should go doesn’t mean they will go the way you train them up. You could do everything right as a Christian parent but there is no way you can guarantee they will live the life you taught them and there is no guarantee that they will return to it if they did depart from it.

This proverb is simply a wise saying from a wise man of 700 wives and 300 sex slaves.

As parents, we do have the sacred responsibility for how we raise our kids. But we have no ultimate control over how they will turn out.

1. We are responsible to saturate our lives with God. This is the greatest gift you can give to your family. Spending time in the Word of God, having devotions, spending time with God and coming to church together play a crucial role in the raising of your child.
2. We are responsible to pray.  Pray with them. Pray for them. Pray about them.
3. We are responsible to saturate our lives with the word of God. This is how we get to know God. This how our relationship with God is nurtured. Your spouse and your kids will be grateful. The scriptures are  full of truth and wise sayings.
4. Live a life of faith.  In other words, never give up on your relationship with God even when things don’t go your way. Your faith is the greatest thing you can pass down to those coming behind you. Tell your kids your story and why you follow Jesus,
5. Live a life of humility and be wiling to say I’m sorry. As parents we mess up, Say your sorry.
6. Live a life of worship. Worship together. This the most important thing a family can do. I have heard the rumor that a family that worships together stays together. If your kids have already walked away from the church invite them to worship with you again. Its never to late.

We know that more is caught than taught. Even if you do all six of those things there is still no guarantees. There are many variables that we as parents have no control over.  The great Indianapolis Colts coach, Tony Dungy,  trained his son in the way he should go. He son committed suicide. The great pastor of the Saddle Back Church, a church of 15,000 plus, Rick Warren (the author of the Purpose Driven Church) trained his son in the way he should go. His son committed suicide. Do we honestly think these parents trained their kids to commit suicide when they couldn’t figure things out? What is disturbing about these stories is how many in the Christian community responded.  It wasn’t with compassion and prayer for the family,  it was with criticism and questioning of their parenting skills. It is easy to criticize and question others parenting skills (Christians and non Christians alike) but let me remind you every child is born with a sin nature. Every child has the natural desire to be self-centered and display sinful behavior. It’s not something any parent can eliminate with a carefully controlled environment or even with prayers and super-human like godliness. 

Sin is real and sometimes sin wins. That is not the fault of the mom and dad.

The scriptures do teach us that parents have the greatest influence over a child’s life and we will be held responsible for HOW we raise our kids. We are not held accountable for how our kids turn out. The scriptures also makes it clear that none of us can hide behind our upbringing or environment as an excuse for our wrongful decisions or foolish behaviors.

When you drop your kids off at a university or when they move out of the house, your training is pretty much done. You hope and pray that they won’t depart from the things they know. We do train them up in the way they should go. You hope and pray they don’t depart from it. The bottom line is that some do ….. every parents wishes they could have done better. Every Christian parent wants their kids to seek after God. 

After we have trained them or in the middle of training them – We hope and we pray.

When they drive off or you drop them off at their university, you are done. We confess to God where we messed up. Then …… go take a nap and enjoy life.