It’s as obvious as the nail in your head

You can read a lot of different books about marriage. They talk about how to do marriage. What a Christian marriage looks like. How to make it last more than five years. All of these are extremely helpful , and I personally have watched many videos and read many articles on what it means to be a godly husband, godly man, and a godly father.

The one thing that is consistent in everything I have read and watched – men and women are different by more than just certain body parts.

Let’s take communication between a husband and a wife.

• Women communicate, men don’t (enough)
• Women want to express, men want to solve.

If you don’t believe me watch this little video that’s been seen by over 12 million people: (it’s not about the nail)

Men are saying, “yep” that’s exactly what I go through!

Woman are saying, “yep, even though its obvious, just shut up and listen.”

And everybody said …… AMEN!

The differences are there but marriage has been the same since God created the institution near the beginning of time. Certain groups have tried to change the definition, some political leaders have created legislation to widen the definition of marriage for tax benefits, insurance, and for financial purposes. They can do all that they want …. God allows them to do that. But Government, nor certain interest groups can change the story in Genesis.

God  gives us the big picture of marriage in the Genesis passage. I know many of us disagree with gay marriage (I will deal this topic on later on), but we meed to be honest, even marriages between men and women are not all that holy nor are they doing all that well.

There are a lot of pressing issues that remind us marriage is not doing all that well. The pressing issues are rampant divorce and remarriage, the huge cultural debate over gay marriage, and the increasing number of couples living together outside of marriage.

These are all important issues  but what bothers me most is that most of the discussion on the issues never go back to the One who created the institution of marriage.  In many cases He is never invited to the table where they are discussing it. Everybody has their opinion about marriage. Everybody thinks they are right. But no one seems to ask the One who created marriage what He thinks about it.

Marriage has become a social construct and something we define by voting on one definition or another. Whoever gets the most votes, wins, and that becomes the definition. We can change a definition of a sacred institution created by God whatever 51% of the votes say. It has become about who gets benefits, who gets recognize, and what gets accepted. We have cheapened it and made marriage about legal matters, tax issues, and a question for the courts to manage.

Marriage is not a legal term. It’s a biblical idea.

Not everybody believe it’s a biblical idea. I mentor young fathers and young fathers – to – be who have gotten their girlfriend pregnant before marriage and want to become a good dad. I recently met with a guy and talked with him about what it means to be a godly man, a godly husband, and a godly father. I’ve talked with him about how important it is that he step up and be those things to the woman he loves. I won’t go into the monologue but his response to me was, “all it is is a piece of paper.” (a legal document).  Technically ….. he was right ….. technically.

I don’t think he knows it’s a Biblical idea. I don’t think he realizes that marriage is a holy institution created by God.

Marriage wasn’t created by humans. Marriage was created for humans. Marriage is not a legal document. It is a union of two people who learn how to serve one another and our government needs for you to sign a legal document to make it official. It is biblically defined as a holy union between a man and woman for the purpose of fulfilling God’s plan.

There is one important side not that I need inject here. Marriage is not for everyone. According to the Apostle Paul, singleness is your best option but if you need to get married it’s better than living in sin.

To understand marriage we must go way back. It is the foundation of all institutions.

This is how it all started: Genesis 2:21-24 (from the Message)

21-22 God put the Man into a deep sleep. As he slept he removed one of his ribs and replaced it with flesh. God then used the rib that he had taken from the Man to make Woman and presented her to the Man.
23-25 The Man said,
“Finally! Bone of my bone,
flesh of my flesh!
Name her Woman
for she was made from Man.”
Therefore a man leaves his father and mother and embraces his wife. They become one flesh.
The two of them, the Man and his Wife, were naked, but they felt no shame.

Each one of us was made a male or female. We are not accidents. We  are meant to be the gender that God created us to be. All of us are fashioned, designed, and crafted by God himself. God intentionally created diversity. He didn’t create us all people men. Nor did he create all people women. Hallelujah!!

He purposely created men and women differently:

• Biologically
• Relationally
• Emotionally
• Psychologically

The evidence is too overwhelming to deny. The only logical reason he created man and woman was for marriage. Marriage is ordained by God and set apart by God, before children, before the family, before government, even before the church. It is at the very forefront of the creation story. This is why the Bible says that when people get married, the idea is not a legal contract, not a societal contract. No …. It is about two becoming one! The Greek word in the Bible that we translate ‘becoming one” is the word “kollomenus” – and it literally reads, “glued together.”

In my personal opinion, trying to redefine marriage is tragic.  Without the understanding that it is created by God, set apart by God, and glued together by God – the institution of marriage gets cheapened by those who make it about a legal document, a tax write off, and other legal matters. To make it just about a piece of paper signed by the couple and pastor that legally says you two are now one ….. well …… it goes much deeper than that.

Hebrew 13:4 says,

 ‘Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage…..

I think it would be safe to say that marriage is not being honored …. Is it?

The Wall Street Journal tells us that for the first time since the U.S. began tracking marriages, more Americans of prime marrying age have stayed single than marrying. At the same time while marriage rates have fallen, the number of adults living together has skyrocketed.  The people of prime marrying have figured out that it doesn’t take a piece of paper to have kids. It is becoming more common now for kids to have unmarried parents than divorced ones. This is tragic. Even if you remove God and scripture from the equation – it is still tragic.

It’s becoming such an epidemic in Mexico that lawmakers in Mexico are considering a proposal for short-term marriage contracts. Couples will be able to choose the length of their marriage. Starting with two years and then there is an option to renew the contract at the end of the two years  if they stay happy.

Marriage has gone from being glued together by God – to something plastic, bendable and moldable. In other words it simply can be designed as one chooses it to be instead of how God designed it.

Every persons idea of marriage is formed by one of two world views:

There is the creation model which assumes, “ the universe was created with an objective moral order that exists, and that the two sexes are part of the order, and that marriage is the fundamental social institution by which we unite our lives in family and kinship.”

There is the choice model . The model assumes that individuals create their own truths and their own values. Sexuality has no intrinsic purpose – it’s just an opportunity for pleasure and intimacy. Family structure is pliable as play-doh, and any form is acceptable. In this model, marriage is optional, but the right to marry is nothing more than the right to participate in state-defined benefits.

All of us are faced with a choice of the Bible’s vision of marriage or what’s dominating the culture right now – the choice model. Those of us in my generation say (I was born in the early 60’s), “this makes no sense”,  but to those in their 20’s and 30’s this is serious stuff – they are being forced to make a choice that we didn’t have to make. We just accepted the creation world view without question.

I am going to present to you two people. One comes from the “choice” model world view – the other comes from the “creation” model world view.

Cameron Diaz who is intent on being a serial-dater, did an interview with United Kingdom’s Stylist magazine, she said this,

“I think the big misconception in our society is that we’re supposed to meet the one when were 18, and were supposed to get married to them and love them for the rest of our lives. Then she used vulgar version of bologna,  “(bull****)!” Who would want to be with the same person for 80 years?”

In another interview she was asked if she thought marriage was a dying institution, she said,

“I do, I think we have to make our own rules, I don’t think we should live our lives in relationships based off of old traditions that don’t suit our world any longer.”

So what does Diaz intend to do?

“Have someone for 5 years and find another person for 5 years. And there’s nothing wrong with that.”

Under the choice model – she’s right – there is nothing wrong with that.

What does a marriage based on the creation model look like? Where marriage is honored? Where marriage is more than a legal document?

It comes from a 96-year-old man who recently lost his wife Lorraine. His name is Fred. There was a song contest in his town where they were asking people to send in their song with them singing and playing. Fred just sent in the song – with lyrics and a tune – that he wrote about his wife of 75 years.

I encourage you to take the next nine minutes to watch this inspiring story (millions have already seen it). The story it’s self is very moving. If you are a sentimentalist or believe in marriage being honored you will want some Kleenex. (click here to watch).

Now compare the two (Cameron and Fred) … take scripture and God out of the equation.

Which model would you prefer?