mondayschoolblog

(click on the pic to listen to it) Imagine for a moment that you’re a parent, out shopping for a present to give your child. You’ve heard him talking, in tones of awe, about the latest gaming console; you see it at the store, and the thought of the smile on his face puts a smile on yours. It’s not inexpensive at all; somewhat of a sacrifice. But you want the best for your child.

When you get home and present the gift, there’s a joyful shout, a tight hug, and a dozen frenzied thank-yous. It was worth every penny for this moment. You stop by his room a couple of times and watch him set it up, then play it with utter concentration. You ask him a question about the game, and he says, “Wait—can’t talk,” and then seems to forget you’re there.

Later you ask him to go out to dinner with the family, but he begs otherwise, wanting only to stay and play with his new game. And then you look up and he’s standing beside your chair. He starts to tell you about some of the add-ons and games his friends have. Their version is much better than his. It seems as if you don’t see him as much as before, and he even seems less content and happy than before you bought this console. How could a nice gift go so wrong?

It happened because the gift became more important than the giver. The beauty was not so much in the thing itself, but the love that brought it about. The gift was not wrong or evil, but when the gift becomes more important than the giver, that’s idolatry.

Let me give you a little background to 1 Kings 18. This is the back drop for  the scriptures I will be using and this blog entry.

Ahab was an evil king. His wife, Jezebel, was more evil than him. Jezebel hated the prophet Elijah. She hated anything that had to do with God. She set up an altar and a temple for the god of Baal in Samaria and she had many prophets of the Lord killed. This god of Baal, who was warring for the hearts of the Israelites, was originally thought of primarily as the god of weather. Many people of Israel abandoned their worship of God and were now worshipping the god of weather. Specifically, the god of rain. And God, who is a jealous God, eventually had enough. After a few years Elijah comes to Ahab and sets up a cage match between The Lord God and all the gods of Baal and Asherah. It was Elijah vs. 850 prophets of Baal and Asherah. To be more exact,  it was the one true God vs. 850 false gods.

I Kings 18:19-21 goes on to say,  “Now summon the people from all over Israel to meet me on Mount Carmel. And bring the four hundred and fifty prophets of Baal and the four hundred prophets of Asherah, who eat at Jezebel’s table.” So Ahab sent word throughout all Israel and assembled the prophets on Mount Carmel. Elijah went before the people and said, “How long will you waver between two opinions? If the LORD is God, follow him; but if Baal is God, follow him. “But the people said nothing.”

I got to meet one of my basketball heroes this past week. He played basketball for the University of Illinois a little over 10 years ago. He played in the final four championship game against North Carolina back in 2005. He went on to play for the Utah Jazz for a few years then played professionally in Europe. I asked him to share his story.

Here is Roger’s story:

He went to church all this life but never really made a commitment to follow Christ. He knew about God but he didn’t know him. Roger worshipped the god of pleasure. The god of pleasure he worshipped were drugs, sex, and alcohol which ruled his life his first two years at Illinois. He lived for those things. He even shared that he got women drunk just so they would agree to have sex with him. Being in the spotlight, being a person people worshipped on campus, he could really have anything and anybody he wanted. And he took advantage of it. Until he met the woman he is now married to. He took her to a bar and had plans to get her drunk and sleep with her. She felt uncomfortable being in a bar. So they left and went to a Steak and Shake. She ended up sharing what God was doing in her life and told him about her commitment she had made to Christ. That night…. when he was supposed to be sleeping with her …. He found himself down on his knees in his room begging for God’s mercy, forgiveness, and for a new life. The next day …. he was new creation. He said he can’t explain it but the god of pleasure that ruled his life – was smashed. He said he really couldn’t explain what happened to Him but he knew he was a new creation.

The god of pleasure was ruling his life. And he didn’t even know it until he met someone who showed him and explained to him who God was. When he met Him – his life changed.

The people of Israel had fell into the same trap. They were worshipping another god and they didn’t even know it. We too, fall into the same trap and we don’t even know it. If you put your marriage before God, if you put your financial status or career before God, if you put your sex life before God, if you put food before God, if you put any area of pleasure before God don’t expect God to bless those areas of your life.

God will never bless the competition. Yes, these are the gods who are competing for your affection, your money, your time, and your energy. How do you know you are putting those things ahead of God? How do you know when the completion is winning? They become the source of your frustration. When you pursue pleasure in one area, it ends up being your greatest area of frustration.

The Israelites were worshiping the God of rain and so what does God do? He sends a drought. I’m not saying God always does that, but we shouldn’t be surprised if that’s what happens because when the very thing that we are pursuing can’t satisfy the longing in our heart it will create frustration.

Elijah knew there was competition going on …. Look at what he says: Elijah went before the people and said, “How long will you waver between two opinions? If the LORD is God, follow him; but if Baal is God, follow him. “But the people said nothing.”

Why do you think they said nothing? I think it’s because they wanted both. They wanted their false gods and they wanted Yahweh (God). If they wanted Baal and not God they would have said, “We choose Baal.” But they wanted both, so they were silent. They didn’t want to be forced to choose. Instead of having a throne on our hearts where God reigns we often have a love seat  where God is asked to share the space with something or someone else. Often times it’s a god of pleasure that we ask him to sit next to. God is sitting next to a television. He’s sitting next to a sports star. He’s sitting next to an actor or actress. Like them – We don’t want to choose/ we want both.

But we need to choose!

In Roger’s story, after he was confronted by the Holy Spirit, Roger knew he needed to choose. He didn’t choose God to win the girls’ affection. He didn’t know if he was going to marry her or not. He did it because he knew he needed to make a choice. He was frustrated with his life. He was frustrated with his choices. The very things that were bringing him pleasure were his greatest frustrations.

Like Roger, the people of Israel got to see for themselves, the power of God. Elijah taunted the 850 priest as they danced around for hours asking their god to send fire to burn up the sacrifice on their altar. These cut themselves. They yelled louder thinking their god didn’t hear them. Elijah literally made fun of their god asking them if he as asleep or relieving himself. I know this all seems so primitive and not very relevant to us today. We don’t go around dancing around and altar and bleeding for these gods of pleasure. We say we would never bleed for a false god. But really? Have you bled for alcohol, or porn, or any other addiction that destroys you? Have you sacrificed your marriage to that god? Have you bled for food? Have you sacrificed your health to that god? Have you bled for the god of cable TV? Have you sacrificed a relationship with your children for it? We have given more than we realize to the god of pleasure…but they always demand more.

After nothing happen. Elijah rebuilt the altar that I am sure Jezebel had torn down. Dug a moat around it. Poured 4 – 35 gallons of water on the altar and into the trench dug around it. Elijah prayed and God showed up! In vs 38 it says, 38 Immediately the fire of the Lord flashed down from heaven and burned up the young bull, the wood, the stones, and the dust. It even licked up all the water in the trench!

God doesn’t do that kind of stuff anymore. O’ Yes he does. Ask anyone who has been transformed by the power of God. They will tell you God showed up and did something miraculous in their life. Ask Roger Powell. Read the blog entry from March 17th. All four of those shared about God’s faithfulness and how He showed up in a big way in their life.

God will respond. God will show up when we worship only Him. Elijah steps forward and prays a small, simple prayer. (1 Kings 18:36-39) “O Lord, God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, prove today that you are God in Israel and that I am your servant. Prove that I have done all this at your command. O Lord, answer me! Answer me so these people will know that you, O Lord, are God and that you have brought them back to yourself.” And when all the people saw it, they fell face down on the ground and cried out, “The Lord—he is God! Yes, the Lord is God!”

There’s a story of a young girl that walked into a department store and fixed her eyes on a set of imitation pearls. She fell in love with them. She saved her money until one day she had saved about 10 dollars and could buy the cheap pearls. She wore them everywhere. No one could get those pearls off of her. One night her dad came into her room. He asked, “Jenny, do you love me?” She told him she did. He said, “Then I’d like for you to give me your pearls.” She told him that he could have her favorite toy, but not the pearls. He came in the next night and asked the same thing. She offered him her favorite doll, but would not give him the pearls. The next day the girl came to her father with tears in her eyes and said, “Here, Daddy, you can have the pearls. I want you to know how much I love you.” The father reached in his pocket and pulled out a velvet case with a genuine pearl necklace inside. He was waiting for her to give up the imitation so he could give her the real thing.

I think all of us want the real thing. Don’t we?

We need to choose. Do we want the imitation or the real thing?

You can’t have both.

There’s a story of a couple that moved into a house that needed some redecorating. Nothing major really, new carpet and new paint would make a huge difference. So the couple hired a painter to come to their house, patch the cracks, and paint the walls. When the painter finished everything looked as good as new. They happily paid the bill and thanked the painter for his great work. But less than a month later the cracks started to reappear. Soon, they were just as obvious as they had been before. They hired a new painter to come in and patch the cracks and paint the walls. The new painter assessed the problem and explained to the couple that he could patch the cracks, but it wouldn’t be long until the cracks were once again a problem. He explained, “Your real problem isn’t a crack in the wall. Your real problem is the foundation, and until you address the foundation the cracks will keep showing up.”

That’s often our approach to addressing the cracks in our lives. We want the easy fix. Just patch them up and paint over them. But have you noticed they have a tendency to come back? We may forget about them for a few weeks – but the cracks really haven’t gone away.

Eventually, over time, we see the effects of doing just patch work. By not dealing with the real issue,  the cracks will keep coming back. We never move on. We always feel stuck. We never grow up. By not dealing with real issue our lives will begin to look like this:

We look at this picture and ask – “why on earth wouldn’t the landlord fix the real issue?”

We spend a lot of time, money, and energy on quick fixes. Things that make us feel good in the moment.

That is really all idols can offer us : quick fixes.  We become a slave to the quick fix. We want  to microwave our problems. We want to google the answer to our issues. We want to cover up the real issue and hope it goes away. We look for something or someone to EASE our pain. We look for something or someone to make us FEEL better. We look for something or someone to make us FORGET about our life right now.

After a few weeks the same cracks appear again. The same issues come back up

So what’s the real issue? The issue is the condition of your heart!

Proverbs 4:23 reads, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” Your heart defines and determines who you are, how you think, and what you do. Because everything flows from it, your heart is the battleground where the gods go to war,

The wisest and richest man who ever walked on planet earth – Solomon –  had everything. He had sex slaves. He had money. He had a palace.  He had power and position. He came to the same conclusion that Tom Brady did last week – there’s got to be more than this. Despite being the richest and most power man on the earth he says, “above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”

In other words, the condition of your heart is your greatest priority.Treat your heart like it’s your most valuable asset. According to the American Heart Association, more than 80 million people in the United States – that is more than one out of every four Americans – have some form of cardiovascular disease.Some
of you have had some problems with your physical heart – most of us at least
know someone who has had a heart attack or a stroke.  Once that happens, it changes how a person lives.  Those who deal with heart issues become more aware of protecting their heart. My dad, when he had heart health issues, was forced to lose 100 lbs. The doctor told him to or die. Those of you who know of your heart problem are committed to doing anything and everything that would protect your heart.  Why? Because there is a sudden realization that nothing matters more than the health of your heart.

Our tendency is to give attention to what people see. As long as things look good on the outside then we tend to not give much concern to what’s on the inside. Spiritually speaking—instead of focusing on our hearts, we often make our focus “behavior modification.” We figure, as long as our behavior looks good on the outside, we don’t really need to deal with the heart issue. Many do this with the parenting of their kids. Parents figure if they can change the behavior of their kids they have dealt with the real issue.  We, parents, think that behavior modification is the real issue. Behavior modification is only a quick fix. We do this spiritually too. We are looking for the quick fix. Instead of treating our heart as the most valuable asset we just change our outward behavior and convince ourselves that  we have dealt with the real issue.

Above all else, make the condition of your heart  your greatest priority.

Secondly, Solomon tells us to “guard your heart.” This word, “guard” means to diligently protect against the enemy.  When we are commanded to guard, an enemy is assumed.  There are other god’s /idols who want control of your heart.  There is an enemy who wants to deceive and destroy you.  The world wants to consume you. There is, spiritually, a war going on. No matter what your age or gender there are gods’ at war. You get to choose who wins. You are the one who is responsible to guard your heart.  You are the one who needs to take the initiative. You are the one who needs to be on the offensive.

One of the most guarded areas in the world is in Fort Knox, KY. Fort Knox is home to much of the nation’s gold reserve. That gold is housed in a two-story building constructed of 16,500 cubic feet of granite, over 1400 tons of steel, and 4200 cubic yards of concrete. The vault door weighs more than 20 tons. No one person has the combination. Various staff must dial separate combinations known only to them. There are four guard boxes surrounding the structure. And it is equipped with the latest in security technology.  Every precaution is taken. Why? Because what’s inside is that valuable.

Why so much attention given to the condition of your heart?

Because Solomon says, “everything flows from it.”

Your heart beats 100,000 times and pumps 2,000 gallons of blood every day. Everything flows through the heart and so it must be protected – it must be guarded. What’s true physically is true spiritually.

In Hebrew culture, the heart was seen differently. It was a metaphor for the center or core of a personality. It was the spiritual hub, and your life flowed from its orientation. The ancients knew that you could lightly touch the wrist and feel a soft beating—what we call a pulse. That same pulse could be felt in the neck and elsewhere. But place the hand over the heart, which in the center of a person, and that beating was more powerful. It
stood to reason that everything flowed from the heart—to the Hebrew, not only blood, but personality, motives, emotions, and will. Here’s an example of the Hebrew idea: “As water reflects the face, so one’s life reflects the heart” (Proverbs 27:19).

The heart is the truth of your identity, that’s why the gods fight so fiercely for every inch of it. The words the come out of your mouth tells of the condition of you heart. What you treasure comes from your heart.  All of your behavior comes from the condition of your heart. What god wins the war for your heart has a lot to do with how diligently you guard it.

How do you guard it?

1. Accountability

Sometimes the emphasis in accountability within the church is almost exclusively behavior focused. Whether we verbally express it or not the church is very guilty of judging others people’s behavior.  You and I have no rights to be anybody’s judge.

Accountability is not sitting with someone and pointing out their every fault and saying “do better next time”.  Accountability happens when we allow someone to see our hearts. That’s harder to do, but the Bible says in James that when we confess our sins to one another we will be healed.

 2. Prayer

In Philippians 4, Paul says to pray about everything with thanksgiving, and that “the peace of God will guard you hearts in Christ Jesus.”

Do you want peace in your life? Begin to pray. Yes it really is that easy.

When we think of prayer most of us think we have to pause what we are doing, get on our knees, and shout out to God. Now, there are times we  need to pause our life, get on our knees and beg for the mercy of God in our lives.

God also teaches us to pray constantly. Never cease praying. I interpret that as always being aware of his presence.

If you are worried about something. Pray. Worry is always a red flag to begin praying. No just praying about the circumstances or the situation but praying for yourself.

In your deepest, darkest moments. Pray

When life is out of control. Pray

Why pray? Because you become aware of God’s presence. Where God’s presence is – there is peace. That peace that passes understanding will guard your heart. That peace will keep your emotions from making a bad decision. That peace will keep your mouth from saying the wrong thing. That peace will keep you from doing something stupid.

3. Meditate on scripture

It’s not just about what we guard our hearts from, it’s what we open up our hearts to.

When we meditate on scripture we open our hearts to:

• Truth
• Hope
• Love

The scriptures were never intended to be used for condemnation.   Fred Phelps, pastor of the Westboro Baptist church in Kansas died this past week. I believed he did what he thought was the right thing to do but we learned a great lesson from him in that the condemnation of humanity did nothing to change the heart condition of man. The scriptures were never intended to change us into good people, they were written to transform us into living sacrifices.

When we meditate on scripture – transformation begins to happen.

4. Practice holy thinking

Philippians 4:8, “Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy think about such things”.

We are constantly googling and surfing the net or watching 24 hour news and flipping through hundreds of other channels…and almost none of it is noble, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent or praiseworthy. Taking time everyday to think about things that are pure, lovely, excellent and praiseworthy will guard your heart.

Quick fixes are a lot easier. They are not very painful. They are not very costly.  And they are not very messy. We spend a lot of time doing quick fixes by trying to fill in the cracks of our lives and painting over them.  Only to discover the cracks reappear in only a few short months. The scriptures teach us that the cracks in our lives are not the problem. They are only symptoms to a much deeper issue.  There is a heart condition issue.

Instead  of trying to fix the cracks in your life , turn the focus to the foundation – your heart. The best place to begin is to make sure you’ve invited Jesus to make your heart his home.

Imagine a man who has been coughing constantly. This cough keeps him up half of the night, and it interrupts any conversation he has that’s more than a minute or two long. The cough is so unrelenting that he goes to the doctor.

The doctor runs his tests.

Lung cancer.

Now imagine the doctor knows how tough the news will be to handle. So he doesn’t tell his patient about the cancer. Instead, he writes a prescription for some strong cough medicine and tells him that he should be feeling better soon. The man is delighted with this prognosis. And sure enough, he sleeps much better that night. The cough syrup seems to have solved his problem.

Meanwhile, very quietly, the cancer is eating away at his body. Cancer is the real problem; coughing is only a symptom.

Every week people come to church coughing.

• We’re struggling with something.
• We’re hurting about something .
• We’re stressing about something.
• Cheating.
• Lusting.
• Spending.
• Worrying.
• Quitting.
• Medicating.
• Avoiding.
• Searching.

These are only symptoms of a much deeper problem. We spend a lot of times treating the symptoms but not a whole lot time of dealing with the real  issue – idolatry. There are over 2000 references in Bible that refer to idolatry. God is making this a big deal.

One of those verses is Exodus 20: ⁴ “You must not make for yourself an idol of any kind or an image of anything in the heavens or on the earth or in the sea.

You might be thinking, “I don’t make any idols of any kind, I don’t make any images of anything.  I don’ t have any little Buddhas sitting in my house. I have don’t have any statues that I bow to. I’m not like King Nebuchadnezzar who made an idol 90 ft. tall and made every one worship him.  I don’t kneel down at golden statues . I don’t bow down to carved images.”

Idolatry is the number one issue in the Bible, and that should raise caution signals for us. Idolatry comes into every book. More than fifty of the laws in the first five books are aimed at this issue. In all of Judaism, it was one of only four sins to which the death penalty was attached. To the Jews, idolatry was a big deal. But that’s them. That was written in a time where they made images of gold.  That was a time they made a living selling idols. – that’s not relevant to me and the time I am living in.

What if it’s not about statues? What if the gods of here-and-now are not cosmic deities with strange names? What if they take identities that are so ordinary that we don’t recognize them as gods at all? What if we do our “kneeling” and our “bowing” with our imaginations, our checkbooks, our search engines, our calendars?

What if it is true that every sin you are struggling with, every discouragement you are dealing with—even the lack of purpose you’re living with is because of idolatry? What if we are selling ourselves out to these gods without really realizing we are doing it? The bottom line is there are other god’s clamoring for your attention. Clamoring for your time. Clamoring for you money. Clamoring for a certain image.  They all want first place in your life. We become a slave to whatever god will worship.  They are at war. They are powerful. Sure will power are no match for these the power these god’s possess.

What on earth are you going to do? Because what god you allow to have first place in your life will be the god that dictates what you do, what relationships you have, the decisions you make,  the dreams you have, or what you hope or wish to become.

This brilliant ad gives a sad picture of how what we worship dictates our life. (click here to watch this 20 second video)

Scripture:

Joshua 24:14-15

 “So fear the Lord and serve him wholeheartedly. Put away forever the idols your ancestors worshiped when they lived beyond the Euphrates River and in Egypt. Serve the Lord alone. But if you refuse to serve the Lord, then choose today whom you will serve. Would you prefer the gods your ancestors served beyond the Euphrates? Or will it be the gods of the Amorites in whose land you now live? But as for me and my family, we will serve the Lord.”\

Joshua presents with them with four options of what gods they can choose to worship. He goes on to say, “then choose today who you will serve.”

What puzzles me about God is that He still lets us choose.  Why doesn’t He just make us follow Him? Why doesn’t he just make us serve him? Why doesn’t he just make us obey Him? The answer to those questions are hidden in the question – He wants US to choose.He has already chosen you. He demonstrated that when he allowed the world to nail him to the cross and leave him for dead. While you were yet a sinner Christ died for you. He is hoping  you will choose Him.

We choose everyday what and/or who we are going to worship.  We choose everyday what or who we are going to serve. We choose everyday what or who we are going to obey. We all worship something or someone everyday.  Why is that true? Because you and I are created to worship.  Since time began we were created to worship. Adam and Eve were created to worship God. That’s all they had to do and that’s all there were created to do. But what happened? Both Adam and Eve wanted to be god. Their choice dictated the history of the world. Whatever god YOU choose to worship will dictate the choices you make. We need to understand that all of us are  worshippers.  Even atheist’s worship something or someone. Liberals worship something or someone. Conservatives worship something or someone.

The things that we worship are called idols. Idols bring temporary happiness. Idols make us feel good for the moment. But idols never satisfy the longing in our heart.

60 minutes did an interview with Tom Brady which help us understand this point (click here to watch this 1 minute interview)

He has 3 super bowl rings, makes 6 million dollars a year and he says, “God, there has got to be more than this.” Then the interview asks him, “what’s the answer?” He has accomplished more in his life that he had ever dreamed but he still has the nagging feeling that there is got to be more than this. None of those accomplishments are bad but none of those accomplishments are satisfying the longing in his heart.

Ecclesiastes 2:24 reminds us …..

So I decided there is nothing better than to enjoy food and drink and to find satisfaction in work. Then I realized that these pleasures are from the hand of God.

The scriptures teach that pleasures are good as long we don’t turn them into a god (and idol).

1 John 2:16 reminds us …….

For the world offers only a craving for physical pleasure, a craving for everything we see, and pride in our achievements and possessions. These are not from the Father, but are from this world.

We are the ones that turn them into gods (idols). The things around us were meant to be enjoyed not worshipped. Our accomplishments were meant to be enjoyed not worshipped. Our possessions were meant to be enjoyed not worshipped. But because of this longing in our heart to worship something or someone we grab onto whatever makes us feel good in the moment.

So, how do you know what god’s are warring for your heart?

You need the following questions of yourself:

What are you most disappointed with? What we are most disappointed with often reveals where we have put our hope. Where we put our hope reveals our god.

• If your kids are disappointing you – maybe you are putting your hope in them
• If your job is disappointing you – maybe you are putting your hope it.
• If your spouse is disappointing you – maybe you are putting your hope I your them.
• If you are disappointed with your house, your car, your wage, or your lack of stuff – maybe you are putting your hope in them.

You need to be honest about what seriously disappoints you about your life. I believe you will find an idol.

What do you sacrifice your time and money for?

The word “serve” appears seven times in Joshua’s speech. Who or what you serve is revealed by how you spend your time and money. As we learned from the church in the books of Acts a few blogs entries before this one – they invested their time, money, and other resources  to care for people who were left to die by their pagan priest who would flee the area when a plague or famine hit the area. Because of that many of these “pagans” started following Jesus. They sacrificed their time and money in people who had no idea that Jesus loved them. Remember what Jesus said the rich young ruler?  “If you want to follow me – sell everything you have and give it to the poor.”

Where do you go when you’re hurt?

Where we go when we are hurt creates an honest moment of worship. Where do you go for comfort? Some people run to a bottle, some people run to drugs, some people run to food. some people run to sex. Some people run to the internet and search for something or someone to ease the pain.

Each and every day we need to make a choice of whom or what we are going to worship. Remember that God has already chosen you.  Remember that you are the one who gets the make the choice.

Joshua tells his people and is telling us today to “choose this day” who you will serve. Choose this day means:

• Appreciate what God has done. In verses 2-13 Joshua recounts the incredible things God has done for his people. When we gather here for worship we celebrate what God has done for us through Jesus Christ.
• Recognize who God is. In verse 19 Joshua reminds the people who God is. He is a holy and jealous God. He will not share the hearts of his people with false gods.
• Smash all other gods. In verse 23 he says to them: “throw away the foreign gods that are among you and yield your hearts to the LORD, the God of Israel.”

There is a war for going on for your heart. God could just take away all of our doubts, our fears, our insecurities, our shortcomings,  and our obsessions but He will never do that because He wants us to choose Him.

Joshua offers the invitation to choose this day who you will serve. Who are you going to choose to serve?

This past Sunday, March 9th, 2014, we heard stories from four people who spoke on God’s faithfulness to them over the years of their life. All four stories are unique. All four stories are a testimony of God’s relentless faithfulness to us. All four stories have the same message – He will never fail you. No matter how dark things are around you, no matter how lonely  you feel, and no matter how much you wonder where God is at in the midst of your everyday life – He remains faithful to you. We learned that you must allow yourself to be faithful to Him. We learned that you must never give up. We learned that God truly is the author and perfector of our faith. It really is His story. We get to participate with Him. As you participate with Him and as you learn how faithful He is to you, you will find hope.

Our faithfulness to Him maybe be feeble at times, but even in our feeble and sometimes fragile faith, He will never you. In the midst of those times when you feel feeble and fragile, you can begin to see God’s faithfulness. He is always there because He is ever-present. Our emotions, our circumstances, and sometimes just by choice, we can’t recognize it. That doesn’t mean  he quits being faithful just because we can’t recognize it. When you do recognize it, you become like the publican (tax collector) in the story where the Pharisee is praying, “boy, I am glad I am not like him.” The publican, who recognizes God’s undeserving faithfulness to him, is humbled and cries out for mercy. This is what I believe happens when we recognize God’s faithfulness to us – we are humbled. The following stories give testimony to this.

The following are the mental notes I took from each person’s sharing.

Iola Seekins

Iola has always known that God is faithful. She grew up in a Christian home, made a commitment to follow Christ at a young age,  and went to church every Sunday. On one particular Sunday, her dad told her that they might not get to go to church. She lived during a time when they rationed tires. Her dad told his family that the car had a bad tire and they needed a new one. The vehicle wasn’t safe to drive. They  had to wait for permission from the government to go get a new tire. Iola prayed and prayed that they would get permission. She looked in the mailbox and to her delight the government gave their family permission to go get a new tire. Iola has also walked through breast cancer. She experienced His faithfulness as she was wheeled into the operating room – leaving her family behind. She asked for a peace to accept whatever the outcome of the surgery was. After her surgery, she had chemo and radiation treatments. Iola was healed. Because of the peace she had she was no longer concerned about her cancer. No matter what the result, she knew God was going to continue to be faithful to her.

Dana South

Dana’s faith journey began when her grandmother faithfully took her to church. At an early age she understood that there was a God. She didn’t have a relationship with Him but she knew He was there.

As she was growing up there were some difficult moments in her family. Her dad was an alcoholic and she would hear her mom and dad verbally fighting while trying to sleep. She spent some nights crying in her room and asking God to help them to stop. When her dad had open heart surgery, she once again went to God asking Him to heal her dad. She didn’t know if her dad would make it through the surgery or not. She spent nights crying and praying for her dad as her dad went through the recovery process.

After she graduated from college, the job search began. After filling out numerous amount of job applications and sending out many resumes, she did not get the response she was hoping to get. Once again, she spent time in her room, crying, praying and wondering if she would ever get a call for a teaching job.

After being in ministry with her husband for 16 years, her husband’s (me) integrity as a church leader was called into question. This was a difficult time for her as she listened to people talk in negative ways about his character and ministry. There were some lonely moments during this time. Once again, she spent time crying, praying, and asking God what is going on.

She just recently learned that her mom has cancer. Once again, her faith is being tested. She knows that God will not leave her or forsake her. She knows God will be faithful.

She shared that this is when she experienced and began to understand God’s faithfulness. All those times just mentioned, were times where she discovered how faithful God was to her. These were “maturing in the faith” moments. She didn’t know the outcome of any of these circumstances in life.  She simply cried out to Him. She learned that God is  faithful whether God answered her prayer or not. He is there, He is always there.

Sandi Miller

Sandi shared several stories about how faithful God has been to her. From laundry soap to healing a young man (Jonathan F.) and giving him back his life.

The story that stood out to me was when she stood with David and Becca (Fulda) when Jonathan was literally dying in the other room and prayed for wisdom and for his healing. She stayed with them. She confidently reassured them that God was not done with their brother. She prayed. God healed.

Jessica Avery

Jessica didn’t grow up in a Christian home. Both of her brothers were drug dealers, her sister was an alcoholic, and the primary buyers of her brothers’ business were her parents. Growing up, Jessica was the ideal child. She read a lot. She didn’t cause trouble and she stayed home a lot on the weekends. She hardly ever get into trouble. When she was a child she remembers her parents offering  her an alcoholic beverage. She didn’t drink but her little sister did. From that point, her little sister became an alcoholic.

Jessica didn’t get to church much until her parents decided they were going to go to church. After a while, she eventually started going to youth classes at the church. She met some friends. She was invited to youth camp. At youth camp she was told that she was a gift from God and that He wanted a relationship with her. Jessica asked Jesus to be Lord of her life at that camp. She has been following Christ ever since.

Jessica’s faith story appears uneventful and non-dramatic. God didn’t save her from anything. She has no incredible story of coming out of drugs, alcohol, or any other kind of addiction. As she talked with  her brother about her story, he shared that he would trade his story for hers any day. Her brother “OD’d” in the basement of her house. No one knew what was going on. He shared with her that he laid there and he cried out to God. God showed up and literally and physically saved him. He met God in a desperate time in his life. He said to Jessica that God saved her from all that. Jessica still doesn’t understand why God saved her from all that. She is thankful that He spared her from so much pain and heartache. She is thankful for His faithfulness.

Her little sister who was the alcoholic is now attending Bible college and given up drinking. Her parents are once again back on the right track.

He is faithful. In each of these stories I hope you saw a glimpse of how He will never fail you. Even when you don’t recognize it – He is faithful to you. Even when you don’t feel it – He is faithful to you. His faithfulness to you is not dependent on your faithfulness to Him.

2 Timothy 2:13 – If we are unfaithful, he remains faithful, for he cannot deny who he is.

This verse reminds us that while we maybe fickle and feeble in being faithful to Him – He remains faithful because that is who He is. I am hoping these stories will inspire you to examine where you have experienced His faithfulness. I encourage  you to respond to the questions below. I believe you will discover how faithful He has been to you.

Grab a piece a paper and spend some time reflecting on these statements and questions:

1. Take a moment to record, in just a sentence or two, times that God has been faithful to  you. Take time to thank Him for His faithfulness. And if the opportunity arises, share with someone your stories of God faithfulness.
2. In what area of your life do you need to trust God? Where is there a struggle, a hurt, a pain, a fear that you know you need to turn over to God? A job situation? A relationship? A sickness? Your finances? An addiction?

Let God show you His faithfulness  ……… again.

Philippians 4:8

⁸ And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.

Luke 6:31

31 Do to others as you would like them to do to you.

On bible.org a Christian woman posted a blog entry called, “8 easy steps to trash a relationship.” The following is what she wrote:

1. Be Selfish

Everything thing needs to revolve around you. If you find something you like to do that ignores your spouses’ or your significant others feelings and interests, go ahead and do it! Too bad if they don’t like it! You only go around once in life, so grab for all the gusto you can get!

2. Pick at each other

If you know that something you do annoys your spouse, be sure to do it often and intentionally. Be critical of the smallest thing that he or she does. Always get the last word when arguing.

3, Show Disrespect

Call them names in public. Be sure and use the words; “stupid”, “fat”, “weak”, “loser”. Complain about him/her to your friends. Women be sure and straighten him out when he makes a mistake – especially in front of others. Lecture him. Ridicule him. Men be sure she knows your opinions is better than hers. Interrupt her when she speaking.

4. Refuse to meet their emotional needs

Wives totally ignore your husband need for sex and time alone with you. Girlfriends totally ignore your boyfriends need for admiration and support. Husbands never show your wife you love and appreciate her. Husbands make her constantly worry about the finances. Boyfriends, totally ignore your girlfriends need for you to be honest and supportive.

5. Treat others better than him

Ladies since men don’t have many friends this one is on you. Whatever you do be sure and shower those around you with messages of encouragement, cards, and uninterrupted time alone. If you want to trash the relationship never do this for that special person in your life.

6. Men, be a pansy

Retreat into safety and passivity. Refuse to take initiative or responsibility  in making plans or suggestions.

7. Women, act like his mother

Make sure you do everything to make him feel like he is 3 years old. Tell him how to live his life down to the smallest detail. Be sure and say, “I told you so” whenever possible.

8. When you are angry, blow up!

Yell and scream, or quietly say hurtful words; it doesn’t matter. Inflicting emotional pain is the most important thing. Call each other names. Dredge the past up and bring up old hurts. Lose control and verbally destroy them.

I highly recommend these ways if you want to trash any relationship. These are guaranteed to work. Hopefully, you recognize these as childish behaviors. Hopefully you recognize the destructive force of such behaviors. In a relationship, these kinds of behaviors become tempting and sometimes we act them out when there is a chasm between our expectations and the other person’s behavior.

When I counsel a young couple, I sometimes tell the young men that your potential spouse is not your mother. She is not there to wait on you hand and foot. I sometimes tell the young women that your potential spouse is not your dad. You are not his little girl – you are his wife. I share with them, give up such childish thoughts. We enter relationships with some unrealistic expectations. And when the other person doesn’t meet our expectations we begin to assume the worst about them. Every time you focus on the negative, every time you concentrate on their failures and flaws, every time you assume the worst in the other person, you are participating to the demise of the relationship.

In other words you are totally trashing them and the relationship. I don’t think any of us enter into a relationship with the goal of totally trashing the other person and the relationship. I don’t think we enter into a relationship thinking of how terrible we can make the other person’s  life or thinking of how bad we can talk about the other person. We enter into the a relationship with the best intentions. We never intend to hurt them. We never intend to keep records of wrong. We never intend to build emotional walls. We never intend to disrespect them.

We tend to forget that all of us fall short. There is no such thing as the perfect man and there is no such thing as the perfect woman.  There is no such thing as the perfect boyfriend or the perfect girlfriend. No one on earth can meet your expectations. No one on earth is going to behave exactly the way you want them to behave. So if you are looking for the perfect person who can meet all of your emotional needs and meet all of your expectations and fulfill your every fantasy. That person does not exist. A friend of mine was looking for the perfect spouse. He wanted a spouse that would allow him to go whenever he pleases. Come back whenever he pleases. Do whatever he pleased do. I said to him – “dream on” – that kind of relationship doesn’t exist.

So…. How do we handle the chasm, this gulf between our expectations and the other person’s behavior? How do you stay in love when your man or woman who doesn’t meet your expectations and who doesn’t behave the way you think they should behave?

Look at what Paul tells his church in Philippi:

Philippians 4:8 – And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.

If you want to stay in love – focus on the best in the other person. Fix your thought on what is true, honorable, right, pure, lovely, and admirable.

Every negative quality in the other person, every failure that person has, every flaw that person has is an opportunity to love them.

Remember Jeffery Dalhmer? For those of you who don’t him, he was also known as the Milwaukee Cannibal, was an American serial killer and sex offender, who committed the rape, murder and dismemberment of 17 men and boys between 1978 and 1991, with many of his later murders also involving necrophilia (sexual attraction to corpses), cannibalism and the permanent preservation of body parts—typically all or part of the skeletal structure. He was one messed up man. When they interviewed his mother, do you know what she said about him?  “Deep down he was a good boy.” Why did she say that? She still loved him despite his heinous crimes.

If you want to stay in love you are always looking at the good, the true, the honorable, the right, the pure, lovely , and admirable in the other person. You focus on the best in the other person. In his book, One Thing to Know, (this is a leadership book) by Marcus Buckingham, they discovered the one thing that makes a relationship successful. They studied couples who has been happily married for 10+  years. They thought they would discover that each person had a deep understanding of the other person. They thought  these couples would understand each other’s strengths and weaknesses. They thought they wouldn’t have high expectations of their spouse because they knew each other so well. They expected to find that they had realistic expectations of each other. What they discovered in these happily married couples is that they had a very unrealistic view of each other. When they tested each spouse, each spouse rated the other spouse higher than themselves.

Their discovery was a spouse’s positive illusion created an upward spiral of love. To put it in common terms – love is a bit blind. This love led to trust. Trust led to intimacy. Intimacy led to a stronger relationship.

To help us understand this, if you have ever fallen in love (even if it was from a distance) or have ever dated someone for a while, and people start pointing the faults and weaknesses of that other person you fell in love with – What do you do?  You defend their faults. You focus on the good, the right, the pure, the honorable.  Even Mrs. Dahlmer didn’t focus on her son’s fault after he was convicted of his sickening crimes against others.  She looked beyond his faults. She looked beyond his failures. Her love for him let her see beyond his guilt.

Paul is telling us if we focus on the true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable because it creates a positive illusion about the person we are in love with. I am not talking about being delusional. If there is something seriously wrong in the relationship,  it needs to be addressed.

Because you focus on the right, true, honorable, pure, and lovely, you see their faults as an opportunity to make love happen. You see their failures as an opportunity to make love happen. You see the other short comings as an opportunity to make love happen.

I know this works because this is what I shared with a couple who was near divorce a few years ago. The wife in this relationship focused on his faults, his shortcomings, his failures,  and everything else that was negative about him. The husband, meanwhile, respectfully gave her space, and moved out of the house. I sat down with the wife of this relationship and explained to her what kind of husband I was in the first 5 years of our marriage. This particular couple is now working on their happily ever after relationship.

Paul goes on to say think about things that are worthy of praise. Think about things that are excellent.

If you want to stay in love, THINK. Think about what you want to be remembered for in your relationship. Think about what you want the relationship to look like. Think about how you want to be loved and love the other person like that. Think about what is right, true, right pure, and admirable.

Luke also gives us a glimpse of what it takes to stay in love. It is so simple it is brilliant. It is so profound it is difficult for many to do.

31 Do to others as you would like them to do to you. (Luke 6)

You if you want to stay in love, you need to ask this question, “How do you want to be loved in the relationship?”  Then love your spouse or that special other person like that! If your spouse hurts you, love them the way you would want to be loved after you have hurt them. If your spouse disappoints you, love them the way you want to be loved after you have disappointed them.

Newspaper columnist and minister George Crane tells of a wife who came into his office full of hatred toward her husband. “I do not only want to get rid of him, I want to get even. Before I divorce him, I want to hurt him as much as he has me.”

Dr. Crane suggested an ingenious plan “Go home and act as if you really love your husband. Tell him how much he means to you. Praise him for every decent trait. Go out of your way to be as kind, considerate, and generous as possible. Spare no efforts to please him, to enjoy him. Make him believe you love him. After you’ve convinced him of your undying love and that you cannot live without him, then drop the bomb. Tell him that you’re getting a divorce. That will really hurt him.” With revenge in her eyes, she smiled and exclaimed, “Beautiful, beautiful. Will he ever be surprised!” And she did it with enthusiasm. Acting “as if.” For two months she showed love, kindness, listening, giving, reinforcing, sharing. When she didn’t return, Crane called. “Are you ready now to go through with the divorce?”

“Divorce?” she exclaimed. “Never!  I discovered I really do love him.”

Scripture: I Corinthians 13:4-7, 11

 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

¹¹ When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things.

Love is very powerful.  It is powerful because God invented it. Love softens people’s hearts towards God and others. Love is a many splendored thing. I told you a couple of blog entries ago that the number one reason give me for wanting to get married is because  …… why?  ……. They are in love. In reality we are “twitterpated.” Twitterpated is a form of EROS love. We get the word erotic from this word. Eros love is the kind of love that makes you weak in the knees, makes your turn for a second look. We have all kind of erotic feelings. It makes you say unreasonable things like, “if you marry me I will clean the bathrooms for the rest of our lives.”  This is the kind of love (invented by God) that attracts us to others. It’s the kind of love that you have during the dating and engagements phases of boy/girl relationships.

Then you get married. Conflict arises. It is not a matter of if conflict arises – it is a matter of when conflicts arises.  Suddenly the “twitterpation” stops. Or as we term it – the honeymoon ends. There is a reason why conflicts arise. I was going to steal Andy Stanley’s illustration of why conflict arises but I am just going to show you. Just click here and laugh for the next two minutes.

All of us in here take our stuff with us into our relationships.  And when stuff happens – that stuff that is inside of us comes flying out. Some of us have gone through more stuff than we cared to. Our mom and dads and step parents did the best they could with the knowledge they had. We get our “stuff” from them. All of us in here have had defining moments –not all of them good –  in our lives that have shaped the way we have learned how to love. When we enter a relationship – stuff happens. What’s inside of you comes out in the relationships that are the most important to you.

Isn’t funny how that works? What’s inside of you come out in the relationships that are the most important to you.

• Cain killed Able
• Adam blamed Eve
• Eve blamed Adam
• Parents hurt their kids
• Kids hurt their parents
• Husband hurt wives
• Wives hurt husbands

If we were to keep going, you would notice that this has been the trend since sin entered the world. We hurt those closest to us the most. To stay in love, we need to ask the questions, “what’s inside of me that needs to die?” and “where do I need to grow up?”  (and is better)

I married this one couple a number of years ago and it was both their second
marriages. They both had been hurt pretty bad in their first marriages. I asked
them repeatedly, “are you sure you want to get married again?” The story they
shared was a story book romance. It was kind of sickening to counsel them
because they wouldn’t stop staring at each other. But when you get married –
STUFF HAPPENS.  Conflict happens. Disappointment happens. Disasters happen. Emotional melt downs happen. Hurt happens. To put an ending to this story – they don’t stare at each other anymore.

We all want this happily ever after. We like stories that have a happily ever ending. (just so you know ladies, guys want the happily ever after too but they will never tell you). If you watch any movie, or read any story, the happily ever after only comes after they’ve been through conflict. After they’ve been through disappointment.  After they have gone through some pain and frustration. They made love happen. The happily ever after is possible but you need to watch the whole movie to the end or you must read the whole story to the end.

Happily Ever After are the code words for staying in love. Walt Disney didn’t create the happily ever after. God created the happily ever after. And he tells us in I Corinthians 13 how to have the happily ever after:

Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

¹¹ When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things.

If you look at those words closely, none of those words are feeling or emotions. They are what love looks like. All of those words are action words. If you want the happily ever after, you want to stay in love, it just doesn’t happen.

Ladies if you want the happily ever after – love your man like that.

Men if you want the happily ever after – love your woman like that.

If you want to stay in love – repeat the cycle for the next 60 plus years.

But it’s impossible to love anyone that way!?  YEP. You are right. It is humanly impossible to love anyone that way. You see, love was invented by God. We don’t naturally know how to love another person. Love is not a natural thing. It is something that needs to be learned. It’s like starting anything new. When you start a new job, you need to be taught. When you start to play a sport you need to be taught. When you start a new business, you need to be taught.

The same is true with learning how to love. We know how to fall in love but we don’t naturally know how to love anyone. I needed to learn how to love my wife. I needed to learn how to love each of my kids.

If you want to stay in love, learn how to love:

• You practice not being rude.
• You practice not being impatient
• You practice being kind
• You practice not having your own way.
• You practice not being irritable.
• You practice not keeping record of wrongs.
• You practice rejoicing in the truth.
• You practice never giving up.
• You practice enduring.
• You practice never losing faith and always being helpful.

Practice! Practice! Practice! If you want to stay in love – you practice these things every day!

I need to be honest here and pause here for just a few lines. I was taught as a teen and young adult that God must be at the center of your relationship with the other. I have learned that it is impossible for God to be at the center of a relationship ……. if he isn’t first at the center of your life. I thought God was at the center of my life when I got married. I learned through conflicts, disappointments, and arguments that he wasn’t at the center of my life. Because of me, he wasn’t at the center of our marriage. When it came to loving my spouse, I was just a child who spoke like a child, reasoned like child, and many times acted like a child who refused to give up his childish ways.

Conflicts, disappointments, and arguments are good for any relationship.  They force you to give up your childish ways. I don’t recommend you go creating conflict. I don’t recommend you intentionally disappoint the other person. I don’t recommend you create arguments just to have an argument. You don’t have to worry ….. conflict, disappointment, and arguments will happen. When they do come we can choose to be childish or you can choose to help it grow your relationship.

If you want to stay in love – you give up your childishness.

• Your childish behaviors
• Your childish actions
• Your childish emotions

All of us are longing for the happily ever after. “When did you last give someone love like that?”

If you want to stay in love one needs to give love like that away.

Philippians 2:3-8 (click the pic to listen to it)

³ Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. ⁴ Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.

⁵ You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had.

⁶ Though he was God,
he did not think of equality with God
as something to cling to.
⁷ Instead, he gave up his divine privileges;
he took the humble position of a slave
and was born as a human being.

Vs. 4 in the NIV says, “do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit.”

If you want to stay in love – don’t compete with each other. In every relationship there is this desire to be right. I alluded to this in my last blog entry.  In other relationships it is my way or the highway. In other  relationships there is a battle of wills and the willful desire to be right. There are some relationships where it is more important to be right than to do the right thing.

Marriage (or any kind of relationship) is not a competition between two people. The both of you are on the same team trying to figure out how to out serve another.

In a marriage counseling session I had a number of years ago. I met with each spouse separately. I would listen to her story one week and to his story the next. They both were right and they both were wrong.  They could see the faults in the other person. They would magnify the other person failures. They spent quite a bit of time telling me how bad the other person is. Their focus was always on the other person faults and failures. All they could see was how right each other was. The both wanted it their way. She wasn’t coming back to him unless HE did this. And He was coming back to Her unless she did this. Needless to say – they didn’t stay in love.  I brought the two together to be a mediator between the two. If I would have let her – she would have killed him in my office. They both were right and they both were wrong. But neither one of them wanted to stop playing the blame game. Both of them refused to give up on their childish behavior. Neither one of them wanted to give up their selfishness. In this competition, they both lost. When you make marriage a competition of who can be the most selfish – the outcome is always failure.

If you want to stay in love don’t compete with each other.

Look at what Paul continues to say,  Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Or as the NIV puts it, “rather in humility value the others above yourself. If you read this verse in the context of a one on one relationship, “rather in humility value the other above yourself.

If you want to stay in love, act like your spouse, your girl/boyfriend. Is more important than you. That person you are with is more important than you! But what if they take advantage of me? It didn’t seem to bother us when we were in the dating and engagement stages. These are the stages when we were trying to win their heart. These are the stages where we not only want them to love us – we want them to like us. We go out of our way to make the other person special and feel special.  To put it biblically, we think of them and pleasing them than we do in pleasing ourselves.

They could take advantage of you, but that’s not your problem. If God is speaking to you then you are the one who humbles themselves. They might not …. But as we learned the last week …. Love is a verb not a feeling. Your spouse will disappoint you.  You spouse or significant other has flaws. Humble yourself and value them more than yourself. When you are valuing the other person better than yourself, you make decisions based on the understanding that they are more important than you. That’s hard…. Especially when you think you are right. It’s even harder when you KNOW you are right.

Our goal in marriage or any male/female relationship is not to be right but it is to do the right thing. When you are thinking of the other as better than yourself you always chose to do the right thing ……. if you want to stay in love.

So how do you treat someone who has more value than you? When I am talking having more value than you I am not talking about them being better than you. At a wedding ,who is the most valuable person? We stand when she walks in. It’s the Bride. We show her respect because she is the center of attention. It is not about you. No one stands up when the pastor walks into the sanctuary. No one stands up when the bridesmaids, or groomsmen walks in. No one stands up when the guests walk in. No one stands up even the groom walks in. On that day, in this context, the bride is the most valuable person in the room. She is not better than anyone else but on this day she is the most valuable person.

So how do treat someone who has  more value  than you? You defer to them. You respect them. What if you don’t like them or what they have done? How do you value them more?

Kevin used to be a kid in my youth group many, many years ago. Before you look at the picture (if  you have he is on the far right), he doesn’t like Obama. Kevin doesn’t talk too positively about his leadership. But when you look at this picture, Kevin is smiling. Why? Because he has a great respect for his boss, his commander-in-chief.

 Just because he disagrees with him on certain issues doesn’t mean he doesn’t respect him for the office he holds. He still is our president and Kevin shows his respect by doing whatever his boss tells him.

The same is true with any relationship (especially spouses, girlfriend/boyfriend, potential spouse). You value them more than yourself, whether you agree with them or not. You still respect them. If you want to stay in love, treat your spouse (treat boyfriend/girlfriend) with respect.

Vs. 4 goes on to say, “don’t look out for your own interest but take an interest in their interest.” If we are honest we are only interested in what we
are interested in. We know how to do this. We did in our dating relationships. We became interested in whatever they were interested in. Even if we weren’t really that interested in it. And…… we did it with intentionality. We made time for what they were interested in. This is a way of showing they have more value than you.

A lot of us might be thinking that this is too idealistic. Can’t be done. They are nice words. Paul understood that some would think this was unrealistic and impossible to live out. In the last blog entry, we learned that we are to love one another as Jesus loved us. In these next few verses Paul illustrates the way Jesus loved you and me. He says I want you to approach  your relationship with that significant other the same Jesus approaches his relationship with you.

Look at what Paul says about him:

⁶ Though he was God,
    he did not think of equality with God
    as something to cling to.

Despite the fact He is the most important and the most valuable person to ever walk the earth, He didn’t think of he was more important than anyone else. Never once did he pull rank with anyone. Never once did he use his godship for his gain. Never once did he consider himself better than any another. When we apply this to our relationship with the other person, you are not more important than the person  you are with.  You might think you are more important because you bring the money into the house. You might think you are more important because you gave birth to children.  You might think you are more important because, well, you think you are. But neither one of you is no important than the other. When we think we are more important and we try to play the role of God in the relationship. Even Jesus didn’t play the role of God and he was God. Neither one of you is more important than the other.

But if you want to stay in love, one must THINK, not just of themselves and how important they are to the relationship. But THINK how important the other is to the relationship. To stay in love – we must THINK the other person is more important.

Paul continues with saying this about Jesus:

⁷ Instead, he gave up his divine privileges; he took the humble position of a slave and was born as a human being. Some translations say, “he emptied himself.”

In our culture, we say, He/she is FULL of themselves. This means they believe they are the most valuable person in the room  Jesus emptied himself. There was not selfish, self-centered bone in his body. He never thought he was the most valuable person in the room. He  made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant and He gave up  his privileges,

If you want to stay in love – empty yourself.

In vs. 8 Paul says, “he willingly humbled himself.” Nobody did it for him. He made a decision to humble himself. He decided to put himself under. He decided to submit himself. He decided to subordinate himself to who? Not to his Father. He decided to do this for you and me.

If you want to stay in love – decide to humble yourself. Decide to submit yourself. Decide to subordinate yourself for them. And Jesus demonstrated this by:

⁸      humbling himself in obedience to God
    and died a criminal’s death on a cross.

This is the clincher ….. Jesus gave his life to have a relationship with human kind.

Are you willing to die to yourself to stay in love?  Die to  your childish behavior. Die to your desire to be right. Die to your selfish behaviors.

Over the next 4 blog posts (including this one)  we will be looking at how to stay in love. We won’t be talking about falling in love. Everyone knows how to fall in love. All you must have is a pulse and be six feet above ground to fall in love. All someone has to do is walk by and look good and/or smell good and we can fall in love. We do know how to fall in love. Our problem is we don’t know how to stay in love. If you ask any couple who has been married 20+ years they will tell you that there are some rules that every boy/girl relationship must follow. Young men ……..  listen up. Older men you need to nod your head when I am right. Ladies I just need for you to smile. Plus, you cannot physically or verbally harm me after you read this. (click pic to listen)

“Rules of Male-Female Relationships”

1. The Female always makes the Rules.

2. The Rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification.

3. No Male can possibly know all the Rules.

4. If the Female suspects the Male knows all the Rules, she must immediately
change some or all of the Rules.

5. The Female is never wrong.

6. If the Female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant Misunderstanding, which
was a direct result of something the Male did or said wrong.

7. If Rule 6 applies, the Male must apologize IMMEDIATELY for causing the
Misunderstanding.

8. The Female can change her mind at any given point in time.

9. The Male must never change his mind without express written consent from the
Female.

10. The Female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.

11. The Male must remain calm at all times, unless the Female wants him to be
angry or upset.

12. The Female must under no circumstances let the Male know whether or not she
wants him to be angry or upset.

13. Any attempt to document these Rules could result in bodily harm to the
Male.

Statistics tell us that we are not very good at staying in love. If the statistics are still the same over, ½ the couples who get divorced do so within the first three years.

Can you guess the #1 reason couples tell me they want to get married? (This is based on doing 23 years of marriage counseling),

You probably guessed right …..  Because they are in love.

If you like Disney, watch this edited video  clip – It will explain what happens in each of us. If you watched the clip you learned what really happens to us ….. we get twitterpated. The other person makes our head spin. The other person makes us feel light-headed. The other person makes us irrational. They “make” us do things we said we would never do.  When I was twitterpated  I was dumb enough to say before my wife and I were married that I would clean the bathrooms. I was twitterpated!!! O’ the things I had to do to convince her that I was the man of her dreams. I fell in love with my wife the minute she walked through the church doors.

Our problem is not whether we can fall in love. Our problem is staying in love.

For those couples who have been married 20+ years and who have been happily married for 20+ will tell you that there were moments when they wondered if they married the right person. Or at least they have said, “this is NOT the person I married – they’ve changed.” Staying in love is hard work! Most kids grow up never seeing love. 40% of kids in our nation today don’t have a dad or a mom in their life. When they don’t see a good relationship or any relationship at all where do they learn to love someone? Anywhere they can find it. Some grow up with a mom and a dad and they still never get to see how love really works in a relationship. They have had terrible examples in their life of a mom and dad who didn’t know how to love each other. A lot of people never get to see what a real relationship looks like.  They never see their mom love their dad or their dad love their mom. They have never seen what it looks like or what it means to love.  We do what we see and know.

On top of all this, we live in a culture that has a low tolerance for pain in a relationship. When the relationship experiences some pain – we just get up and leave. We don’t have to take it. So many spouses take their toys and go play with someone else. And we keep the cycle going wondering when we will find true love.

Our culture also teaches us that if aren’t happy in a relationship we must be with the wrong person. We must have chosen poorly. So we think we need to choose another person. If that one doesn’t work out, pick another one. And we keep the cycle going. I was talking to the wife of a young couple a couple of months ago  – these are the actual words she said to me, “ I think he tricked me into marrying him.”  Do you hear what she is saying?  She is saying, “I think I chose the wrong person.”

(just so you know …. I “tricked”  my wife into marrying me ….. I didn’t start cleaning the bathrooms until about 5 years ago. I am pretty sure that is why she finally said yes).

Our culture gives us no help in how to stay in love. There are 1500 sites on the internet that will help you find the right person to fall in love with. But our culture, with its lack of tolerance for relational pain and it’s montra that says “if person isn’t making you happy go choose another person”, can’t teach you how to stay in love.

Once again, if you were to ask a couple who has been married 20+ years,  they would tell you they decided somewhere along the line that the person they chose was the right person. Flaws, failures, freckles and all.  They made a decision that this person is the right person for me.

My wife and I have a little mantra we use in our relationship. We say it in cards every once in a while. I actually think Dana thought of it first  (ticks me off because I wanted to think of it first).  The mantra goes like this: Neither one of us is perfect but we are perfect for one another. We made a decision that it was okay for each of us to be imperfect but we are perfect for one another. We made a decision to love each other through our flaws and our failures. We used our BRAINS not our hearts. Feeling in love only goes so far. There’s a point where your brain needs to take over and make a decision to love that person.

That is so important (and I believe we all know this and ladies please don’t get mad) It (staying in love)  is not about having a nice wedding ceremony in a church and signing a piece of paper. It’s about making  A DECISION! A decision to love that person through pain, flaws, and failures.

Unfortunately though ….. Statistics tells that it is highly improbable that your marriage or your relationship will stay together. I just learned of a couple that was in my youth group, both of them strong believers, got a divorce  a couple of months ago. I knew this couple as kids. They memorized large portions of scripture. Both of them had parents who stayed in love and provided an incredible example of what staying in love looked like. Something went wrong.

Culture keeps telling us that is highly unlikely that you will stick around for the pain.

With the odds against us, Jesus comes into the picture and speaks about what it takes to stay in love. 2000 years ago He gave us the foundation for what it takes to stay in love.

It is so simple –  it’s brilliant.  It is so obvious that we miss it. When you see it you will be like … really? That’s it? There has got to be more to it!

Look at what he says in John 13:34 – ³⁴ So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Jesus is taking what we normally use as a noun and he turns it into a verb! We fall in love. We make love. In the month of February we celebrate love. If you want to stay in love – turn love into a verb. You need to make love – — happen. Jesus is saying do something to make love happen. We can sit around and say we love each other all we want but if don’t do anything to make love happen then it is not love. Love is an action word. Something that needs to demonstrated. Jesus commands that we do it.  It is a guarantee  that if the both of you turn this word LOVE into an action word  – you will stay in love.

So much of what love is now is based on how you feel. We treat it like a noun, a thing. We says things like “I don’t feel in love.” When  you say that you are making love a noun. Loving someone is not based on how we feel. This is the hard part ….. because when Jesus loved he didn’t make people love  him back. We can’t make anyone love us back.  Jesus simply loved. Jesus didn’t say – “love each other when  you feel like it” or “love each other when things are going good.” Or “love each other when it is convenient for you.”

He simply says “love each other.”  This is a whole new way of thinking. It’s so obvious we miss it. It’s  so simple it’s brilliant. Then he goes on to say, “Just as I have loved you, you should love each other.” In other words, he doesn’t want us follow the example of our culture.  He is saying stop listening to the culture. He says, listen to me.

Jesus tells us, through Paul,  in Ephesians 5 – submit to one another. This is secret #2 to staying in love.  You might be thinking: “No, no,  you are reading it wrong” – it says wives submit to your husband. You need to read the whole chapter not just the verse you like. Before that it says in vs. 21, ²¹ And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

In relationships, we so much want our own way. We even tilt scripture to say what we want and feel. This goes both ways. Guys want what they want and if they don’t get it – we pout. If girls don’t get what they want – they find a way to get what they want or they go silent. In a relationship we want to be the one who is right. We want to be the one who wins the argument. We want to prove our spouse wrong. In some relationships we belittle our spouse so that we can feel superior.

If you want to stay in love – submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Who cares if you are right? Why does it matter who wins the argument? Many times you forget what you are arguing about any way. Sometimes we are more interested in saying “I told you so,” than saying “I love you.”  or “I’m sorry”. It doesn’t make a difference who is right and who is wrong.  Does it? Jesus tells us that it is not about who is right and who is wrong – he says that dirty curse word of the 21^st century – “submit to one another.”

If you want to stay in love, “submit to one another.” That is totally against the grain of our culture. We hate submitting. We hate submitting to our bosses. We hate submitting to our parents. We hate submitting to rules. So,  We create our own. We hate submitting to God. We hate submitting … period.

None of us in here like to be told what to do!!! And you want me to submit to my spouse? or to the person I love?

YEP! If you want to stay in love.

We are going to be looking at several scriptures. All of them will be used to answer the question: Why does giving matter? Before we answer that question, we need to do a quick examination why giving doesn’t matter to some. (click on the pic to listen to it

In a 2005 update on “Why People Do Not Give More,” The Barna Group’s director, George Barna, said this trend is influenced by the following factors:

1. “Some people lack the motivation to give away their hard-earned money because the church has failed to provide a compelling vision for how the money will make a difference in the world.”
2. “[Some] see their giving as leverage on the future. They withhold money from the church because they do not see a sufficient return on their investment.”
3. “[Some] people … do not realize the church needs their money to be effective. Their church has done an inadequate job of asking for money, so people remain oblivious to the church’s expectations and potential.”
4. “[Others] are ignorant of what the Bible teaches about our responsibility to apply God’s resources in ways that affect lives.”
5. “The final category contains those who are just selfish. They figure they worked hard for their money and it’s theirs to use as they please. Their priorities revolve around their personal needs and desires.”

There are also some myths that many people believe which hinder our understanding of why giving matters.

• Myth #1 – You are giving to the church.

Malachi 3:10 reminds us that the church is just a storehouse.  When We receive an offering, we invest the offering in the life of the church and the community.

• Myth #2 – You are giving to the pastor.

Your pastor and your staff are just the facilitator of the offerings received. If you look back to the OT you would discover that the tribe of Levi was responsible for the temple. The taking care of it. The things that happened in it. The other tribes gave a tenth to them so that they could solely focus on the temple. Our giving helps us to focus solely on the mission which is to make more and better disciples and helping the vision of seeing lives transformed.

• Myth #3 – You are giving back to God. 

God needs nothing from us. The church in the first century never looked at their stuff – as their stuff. They knew it didn’t belong to them. That is why they could be so generous to each other and to the pagans around them. When you give you are giving to invest it back in others. When You give you are investing in making more and better disciples. When you give you are investing in lives being transformed.

Here are the Biblical truths of why giving matters.

Giving matters because  it shows that we recognize He is truly the Lord of our lives.

• James 1:17 –  Whatever is good and perfect comes down to us from God our Father, who created all the lights in the heavens. He never changes or casts a shifting shadow.

We recognize Him as the Lord of our lives and our stuff. We need to be reminded that everything we have, our house, our cars, our jobs, our income, our clothes and the countless other stuff that we own was given to us by God.  All of it. Every good thing comes down to us from God our Father. Everything.

Our stuff is not the problem.  It is when we our stuff controls us emotionally and spiritually is when the problem begins. It is our longing for more stuff, more status, and more security that  allows THEM (our stuff) to become Lord.  That longing can never be satisfied. No – thing and No – one can satisfy those deep longing.

Look at children. Children like their stuff. You give them more of it – they get what? Spoiled. They get this sense that they are entitled to more stuff. And when they don’t get it what happens many times? They throw a temper tantrum.

How do you know if your stuff is the Lord of your life?  When you sense that you are entitled to more. When you can give your resources freely, you are recognizing that He is truly Lord of your life.

Giving matters because we are blessed when we give.

• Acts 20:35: Remember the words of the Lord Jesus: ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’” These are Jesus’ words.

Paul reminds us in I Corinthians 16:2, You can only give according to what you got!  Look at what the verse says, “On the first day of each week, you should each put aside a portion of the money you have earned.”

There needs to be a plan to give. It is not rocket science. If you don’t have a plan then you will more than likely not give. When we don’t give – we miss the opportunity to be blessed.

Parents and grandparents, aunts,  uncles, and anyone who likes children, we know the stuff we buy our children and grandchildren, nieces, nephews, and other kids  at birthday time and Christmas, and Easter is only stuff. Why do we do it? Because we are the ones blessed! The excitement in their eye. The joy in their face makes our heart swell because we know we did the right thing. We are the one who is blessed. We know when those important dates happen and we plan accordingly.

Paul gives us a plan – “On the first day of each – set aside a portion of the money you have earned.” A portion begins at 10% (according to the scriptures).

Giving matters because when you freely give, you receive freely from God.

Jesus is speaking  Luke 6:38, “Give, and you will receive. Your gift will return to you in full—pressed down, shaken together to make room for more, running over, and poured into your lap. The amount you give will determine the amount you get back.”

Proverbs 11:24 tells us, “Give freely and become more wealthy;  be stingy and lose everything.”

Give AND you will receive. Give freely AND you become more wealthy.

click here to watch this 22 second clip

Everybody agrees that AND is better. As we learned last week, the generosity of the 1^st century church changed the world AND history. They took care of the pagans who were abandoned and left to die AND gave freely of their resources to others.

AND means going the extra mile. AND means giving the extra dollar. We go the extra mile AND we give the extra dollar because of God’s generosity towards us. God’s generosity towards us changed us. God loves us AND sent His son. God freely gives to us AND will not let those who believe in Him perish.

In return

He tells us to go the first AND the second mile. He tells us to love our neighbor AND love our enemy. He tells us to give up everything AND you will get everything you need back. God knows when we do the AND you will receive an AND back.

Giving matters because we need to do it.  We are a part of something much bigger.

• All throughout scripture (OT to NT) you read about giving, sacrifice, generosity, sharing, kindness to others, looking to the interest of others, and sharing with one another.

The 1^st century was known for its generosity with all of their resources. They demonstrated that giving to others mattered. Giving to the church matters.

I asked this week why did it matter so much to them? They knew they were part of a much bigger story. They knew this story was not about them. They knew they were only a part of the story and what they gave to keep the story alive really mattered. It still matters today. We need to give because when we give we are playing our part in keeping God’s story moving forward and changing lives.

When we give we join in the millions of people before us who gave generously.  They gave and lives have been transformed. They invested their resources and disciples have been made. They knew they were part of something much bigger than themselves. When you give an offering and/or tithe you are not giving to keep a church going. You are not giving to keep the lights on. You are not giving to keep a ministry going. You are a part something much bigger. You are giving to make more and better and disciples. You are giving to see lives transformed.

Now, make a commitment to be a part of a much bigger story . I challenge you to either

• Continue to give what you are  presently giving.
• Increase your giving because you know AND is better.
• Join the millions before you and start giving.

It’s not rocket science.

(credit to Andy Stanley’s book, “Be Rich” for the information on the NT church and statistics about how rich we are.)

Acts 2:42-47

All the believers devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching, and to fellowship, and to sharing in meals (including the Lord’s Supper), and to prayer.

A deep sense of awe came over them all, and the apostles performed many miraculous signs and wonders. And all the believers met together in one place and shared everything they had. They sold their property and possessions and shared the money with those in need. They worshiped together at the Temple each day, met in homes for the Lord’s Supper, and shared their meals with great joy and generosity — all the while praising God and enjoying the goodwill of all the people. And each day the Lord added to their fellowship those who were being saved.

Bill Gates, who is the founder of Microsoft and a philanthropist, and His net worth is several billion  dollars,  visited India several years back. He had an interpreter and he went and visited the poorest of poor to find out for himself what the greatest need in India that he could invest in. He spent quite a bit a time with one particular old lady who sitting outside of her cardboard shelter.

After Mr. Gates left the old lady, the interpreter ask the lady if she knew who that was? She said no. The interpreter continued talking with her and told her that it was Bill Gates the richest man in the world.  She looked at the interpreter and told him everyone I meet from the west is rich.

Most of in here if I ask you if you were rich, most of us would say no. By global standards if you make $37,000 a year you are in the top 4% of income earners. If you make $42,000 or more a year you are in the top 1% of wage earners. By global standards, if you make $50 a week you are in the top 50%  of wage earners. Those of you on fixed income are in the top 40% of wage earners.

We are all rich.

Just look around you.

• Rings on your fingers
• The credit cards in your wallet
• The tv’s in  your home
• The cars that you drive
• The phones that we own
• The pew that you sit in

All of us in here own a lot of stuff. Some of us have more stuff than others. Others have more stuff than us.  It doesn’t make a difference if you make $20,000, $200,000, or $2,000,000 a year or anything in between. All of us in here are  rich. We don’t like to think of ourselves as rich. For many of us, our problem isn’t that we aren’t rich – our problem is that we don’t feel rich. We have this appetite for status or security. To make us feel rich we become stuff –aholics, status – a- holics, and security – a – holics.

We like to think of ourselves as poor. I think it makes us feel good about ourselves. When we think of ourselves as poor we don’t have to feel guilty.  Some people take pride in how frugal they are.  We have made Shopping and saving an art form. Some people take pride in how much money they saved. Some pastor acquaintances of ours were extreme couponers. They knew how to get grocery stores to pay them money. They only problem I saw with is that they had to buy a lot of stuff they didn’t need to save money. It didn’t make much sense to me until they turned it into a ministry. They started inviting people to their “garage store” and giving stuff away. They used something they were good at to bless others. That’s not greed that is generosity. Despite the money we can save and the deals that we can find – we still are still rich.

Our problem is two-fold, #1) many of us don’t want to admit we are rich and #2) many of us don’t know how to be rich.

That is the first thing we need to admit. For some us that will be difficult because we constantly compare the stuff we have with the stuff other people have. We constantly compare bank accounts. We can always find a person who has more or better stuff and more money than we do. Thus, we can start to feel poor and guiltless once again.

We certainly have more resources available to us than the 1^st century church. But the 1^st church had what many 21^st churches don’t. They didn’t have websites. They didn’t have a van ministry. They didn’t have a building to call their own. They didn’t have pews, carpet, classrooms, or flat screen tv’s.

What did the 1^st century church have that most 21^st century churches don’t?

A generous heart

Look at these verses again (my emphasis in bold)

A deep sense of awe came over them all, and the apostles performed many miraculous signs and wonders. And all the believers met together in one place and shared everything they had. They sold their property and possessions and shared the money with those in need. They worshiped together at the Temple each day, met in homes for the Lord’s Supper, and shared their meals with great joy and generosity — all the while praising God and enjoying the goodwill of all the people. And each day the Lord added to their fellowship those who were being saved.

Generosity was the hallmark of the 1^st century church. They weren’t rich in resources but they were generous with what they had. When plagues ripped through the cities and region, the people and religious people would flee to escape death. The Christians didn’t. They stayed behind and risked their own health to the meet the needs of the ones who couldn’t help themselves. Many of them died in the process but they weren’t afraid of death.  As they nursed the sick back to health, words of their of their generosity spread like wildfire. When sickness came, the pagan priest were the first to leave. Meanwhile, the Christians would take care of the pagans. And as the pagan health returned they often abandoned their idolatrous ways and turned to Christianity. Not because of theology. Not because of a miracle. But because of generosity and compassion of the Christians that lived in the community. it was because of their generosity.  Everywhere Christians went they were known for their generosity.

They gave time, money, and resources all for the sake of making more and better disciples.  They invested in people’s lives being transformed. The generosity of the Christians in the 1^st century changed the world. They gave time, money, and resources all for the sake of making more and better disciples.  They invested in people’s lives being transformed. The generosity of the Christians in the 1^st century changed the world.

Jesus talks about generosity a lot. The woman who gave all she had – her two mites. Zacchaeus gave 4 times the amount back. The story of the good Samaritan tells us that he paid for all the guys medical expenses and then some. Story of the man who built bigger barns (he died).  Story of the rich young ruler (he walked away sad).

Through these stories you learn that generosity isn’t just something you do when you have more money and more stuff. Generosity is not about the giving.  Anybody can give. Generosity is about living. It is about honoring God with the stuff you have. Generosity is about understanding everything you have has been given to you. Generosity is about understanding that there is no way you can pay God back for the job you have, the car you own, the money you make, the stuff  you have in your house. Everything you have has been given to you by God. He is the one who has opened the doors for you. He is the one who provides for all your needs. He is the one who gives you your stuff.

Giving back to God is myth. (Giving to God is pretty much an emotional ploy used by many pastors) God needs nothing from us. The church in the first century never looked at their stuff – as their stuff. They knew it didn’t belong to them. That is why they could be so generous to each other and to the pagans around them. They used their stuff to grow the kingdom of God. Look at the vs. 46 and 47:

They worshiped together at the Temple each day, met in homes for the Lord’s Supper, and shared their meals with great joy and generosity — all the while praising God and enjoying the goodwill of all the people. And each day the Lord added to their fellowship those who were being saved.

God wants us to invest our stuff, our money into making more and better disciples. He doesn’t need it back. He needs us to invest in other people.  How do we know that? That is what Jesus taught. And they did it as a community of believers – a church. God wants to add to the fellowship those who are being saved. Generosity worked in the 1^st century. I am sure it still works in the 21^st.

Generosity is not natural for us. Our natural tendency is to keep our stuff, our money to ourselves. As parents you know you have to teach your kids this kind of thinking. If they don’t share something with a friend we tell teach them they have to share. It is a new way of thinking. Like our kids …… We need to be taught.

Generosity is not something we have to do.

• It is a way of life that turns
  • Our greed into gratitude
  • Our selfishness into salvations
  • Our self-centered into sacrifice

Generosity is what changed the world. If we invest our things in the things that matter. Things that help us connect with our community, so that we can connect them to Christ. So that their life can be transformed.  That’s a good investment.