Who Are You Sleeping With?

This story seems so bizarre it’s hard to believe it’s true. Back in 1982 Tony Toto, of Allentown, PA.  survived at least 5 attempts on his life, all arranged for or carried out by his dear wife, Frances, & her lover. Twice she arranged for assailants to beat him over the head with baseball bats. On one occasion she put a tripwire across the basement stairs in their house, hoping that he would trip over it & plummet to his death. Twice she arranged for him to be shot. The first time she drugged his chicken soup so he would sleep soundly, & he was shot in the head, but miraculously survived. The 2nd time he was shot in the chest, but only sustained minor injuries. Now this is a picture of a real happy couple, isn’t it? Even more miraculous than Tony’s survival was his attitude toward his wife once he found out she was responsible for all of this. Tony, a self – confessed lady’s man himself, said that he held his wife blameless. When she was found guilty & sent to prison for arranging for his murder, he took their 4 children & visited her every week – every single week. Then when she was released from prison, she went back to their red brick home to resume her married life with Tony. With his arm around her, Tony said, “We’re more in love now than ever before. I don’t understand why people break up over silly little things.”

Adultery really messes life up

Anything that really messes life up – God has a commandment for.

Exodus 20: 14 – You must not commit adultery

Matthew 5: 27-28 –You have heard the commandment that says, ‘You must not commit adultery. But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart. So if your eye—even your good eye—causes you to lust, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell.And if your hand—even your stronger hand—causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell.

Adultery, plain and simple, is a man sleeping with another man’s wife or a woman sleeping with another woman’s husband. I believe all of us in here would agree that it is wrong.  But once again, Jesus goes a little further into the issue.  Jesus says anyone who looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

Most of us are familiar with what happened with David and Bathsheba.  David was out on his roof top. Bathsheba was out on her roof taking a bath. Not too many people take a bath with their clothes on. Bathsheeba was another man’s wife.  This man was one of the leaders in his army. David was another woman’s husband. The act created a mess for David and it nearly ruined Bathsheeba’s life. It wasn’t the fact that he simply looked. Women took baths on top of the rooftops pretty frequently. That’s how they got a warm or hot bath. When he looked, something happened inside of him. He became a different person.  He became consumed with Bathsheeba. He didn’t see Bathsheeba as a person who was married to another man – he saw her as an object. He saw her as a toy that he just had to have. He lusted after her. Lust is something that happens inside of you when you desire something or someone who can’t be yours.  Lust for another woman or another man always leads to adultery. If not physical adultery – which is sex with a person that doesn’t belong to you – or the adultery that happens in one’s heart by fantasizing about how that other person can make you happy.

Adultery really messes life up .  Even if you didn’t know this was a story was in the Bible you can see the damage that the act of adultery can have. Adultery starts with a sexual desire for someone who can’t be yours. It starts with a fantasy that a sexual relationship whether in the context of marriage or out of the context of marriage will fulfill the deepest longing in our heart.

Sex in marital or non-marital relationship cannot fill the deepest longing in your heart.

Most guys want sex to satisfy a desire – you could say we are wired for it.  A pastor of a 8000 member church was diagnosed as clinically depressed. He had to go to a local pharmacy to get the pills. Being the pastor of a 8,000 member church, the chances of someone from  his church seeing him was great. As he was waiting in pharmacy waiting area an 80-year-old came in. As he approached the counter he said loudly, “what do you mean my Viagra is not in it yet?” The desire is always there no matter what your age.

Most women want sex to feel loved, adored, wanted, or they just simply want a family.

For men or women sex does not have the ability to satisfy the deepest longing in our heart. It satisfies a temporary longing in our heart. Sex within the context of marriage is not just the joining of two bodies, it is joining of two lives. You are giving that person your heart, mind, and soul. This covenant relationship called marriage changes everything. You are giving that person your heart, mind, and soul. This covenant relationship changes everything.  In a covenant relationship (marriage) you are not only just joining physically, but in the context of marriage you are joining all aspects of your life:

• Socially
• Emotionally
• Personally
• Spiritually

You can’t have just the one in marriage. You get it all.

Do you see how a relationship with God changes everything? 

When entering into a covenant agreement which we call marriage – you are not just opening  yourself  up physically to that other person you are also opening yourself up socially, emotionally,personally, spirituality.  This covenant relationship changes everything.  I say to couples when you get married you get the good,bad, and the ugly. You learn to go from selfish to selfless. You learn to go from self-centered to other-centered. You learn to go from serving your own needs to serving another person needs. Marriage is not just about meeting each other’s physical needs – it’s about helping each other personally, emotionally, and spiritually.

Sex outside of a covenant agreement  simply, according to the scriptures, is  illegal sex. What you are saying to that other person is that I want you physically but I don’t want the emotional, social, personal, and spiritual part of you. In other words, they don’t want the good, bad, and ugly things about you.  They only want that part of you that makes them happy. Sex outside of a covenant agreement says, “I want to be united with your body but not with your life.” Sex outside of a covenant agreement says, “you have a very low view of your body.”  In other words you don’t think very highly of yourself and you are willing to do anything that will make you feel loved, adored, or satisfied. Sex outside of marriage says, “I want to sleep with you but I don’t want to commit to you emotionally, socially, spiritually, and personally.”

Jesus is making this a pretty big deal.  It is such a big deal he goes on to say, “So if your eye—even your good eye—causes you to lust, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your hand—even your stronger hand—causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell.”

He is not saying we need to literally gouge out our eye or cut off a hand. He is saying, whatever is causing you to lust cut it out of your life because you are in danger of selling yourself out to someone who never will never satisfy you.  Whoever you are lusting after cannot satisfy your deepest desires. Whoever you are sleeping with can’t satisfy the deepest desire of your heart. No human being is capable of satisfying the deepest need in your life. Jesus says it is better for you to lose a part of your life than to lose your whole life. The world for hell in this passage is Gehenna. Gehenna was originally the valley of Hinnom, south of Jerusalem, where the filth and dead animals of the city were cast out and burned.  It was a garbage heap. Who wants to live in a garbage heap?  Jesus is saying, if you don’t cut it out of your life –it is going to destroy you physically and spiritually.

David discovered this. He repented in Psalm 51. He found peace with God

Roger Powell discovered this and he fell flat on his face in his dorm room. He found God.

The woman at the well discovered this in John 4. She tried five different men. These men just saw her as a toy.  She discovered that only God offers the living water that could satisfy her deepest thirst.  She became the first woman prophet and a whole village was saved from the garbage heap.

How do you make this personal?

1. Husbands, don’t sleep with another man’s wife. Wives, don’t sleep with another woman’s husband.

If you are in an adulterous relationship, I recommend you do what King David, Roger, and the woman of John 4 did. They turned away from what was destroying them and began to seek after God.

2. Understand that nothing and no one can satisfy the lust of the heart.

All of us are born with a sexual appetite. There is nothing wrong with that. Even Jimmy Carter, our 39^th president, born again believer, Sunday school teacher, admitted in an interview that he at times had lust in his heart. Christian or not, we are born with this appetite. Only a repentant and humble heart that comes from having a relationship with Christ can satisfy the longing in your heart.

3. Cut out those things in your life that are causing the lust in your life.

This could be anything from pornography or anything that causes you to desire something or someone else other than God. Jesus says to cut it out. Jesus also says to die to self in order that you might live.

Adultery messes your life up. It’s not worth it.